Fifty-one

                                    

                                          
   After leaving the party I call a cab to take me home. I pay for it with my card since I didn't bring any spare chance because Monica was supposed to be paying for everything. As I sit in the living room under the comfort of darkness I begin to regret drinking tonight. I have an actual human being growing inside of me. I don't know what I'm going to do about it yet and my doctor says I have time but for the time being I need to be responsible. 
                          
   I shouldn't have to be because I'm just a kid but I do. I put myself in this situation. I got into that car with Mason even though I didn't even know him. Nobody pushed me. I was so desperate for love and now I have it. It cost me but I have it. 
                          
   I'm sure Mason will be with me every step of the way. He loves me. He always has and I've always loved him. I shouldn't turn on him because I'm scared. Jen was right. I'm just scared and I'm acting out but I have nothing to worry about because Mason loves me and I don't have to go through this alone. I decide to tell him about the baby as soon as he gets home or if he's drinking when he's sober. We're going to work all of this out together. That's what couples do.
                          
   After a while of sitting up, I eventually fall asleep but am woken up by the sound of glass shattering. I jump up from the couch to find Mason hunched over the kitchen counter holding his head. "Mason, are you okay?"
                          
   He waves his hand weakly in the air, "I don't know."
                          
   "You're drunk," I state. Already do not like the sound of it. I've never seen Mason drunk. He likes to control. When he's drunk he wants have that. My heart flutters, and not in a good way. Images of my dad when he drinks start flashing through my mind. I pray Mason isn't an angry drunk. 
                          
   Getting up from the couch I make my way over to him. He smiles when I wrap my thin arms around him. So far so good. "I am. Oh, Olivia, I'm so sorry. I know how much you hate when your father-" he slurs. 
                          
   I shake my head. "Let's just get you in bed." I tug on his arm trying to maneuver him around the broken glass but he pulls back, stumbling. 
                          
   "I need to talk to you about something." He says. 
                          
   "It can wait."
                          
   "No, it cant. I just need to remember what it was-"
                          
   "Oh my gosh, Mason your hand. You're bleeding," I rush once I notice the laceration on his hand. He just waves it off. I rush to get the first aid kit anyway. I'm not just going to let him sit there with a cut like that. He may even need to go to the hospital. Might need stitches but u can't take him anywhere right now. He's completely intoxicated. He won't even make it to the door and I sure as hell can't carry him.
                          
   I come back with the first aid kit and start cleaning the wound. Once I'm done I dress it in gauze. "Now let's get you into bed."
                          
   I get him in bed and go back to turn all the lights out. I don't want to be near him since he's been drinking so I grab a bottle of water and make my way to the balcony. Everything looks smaller up here. Too far away. Thank God I'm not afraid of heights. I close my eyes, placing my hands on the railing. Everything just feels so calm and stress-free. I could die right here and go with a smile on my face. I bet then I wouldn't have anything or anyone to worry about. 
                          
   As those thoughts cross my mind I feel myself drifting closer and closer over the railing. "Are you planning on jumping?" I hear Mason's voice behind me, making me jump. I quickly pull away from the edge. 
                          
   "No. Of course not. I thought you were sleeping?"
                          
   "Nah. My hand hurts like a bitch. I was looking for something I could take to relieve the pain."
                          
   "You mean some more liquor. We don't keep medicine in the kitchen." I say. 
                          
   His face twist in disgust at my words. He takes a step toward me and takes one back. He takes another step and again I take one back. We follow this pattern until I'm pressed tightly against the rail. "Don't give me that judgemental crap. I'll do whatever the hell I feel. Now, why don't you stop playing around and tell me if you're pregnant or not? I can't take this not knowing crap."
                          
   His eyes are set hard and I know there's no trying to get around his question so I decided to give him the truth. No sense in lying. It's not like I can hide a baby, "I'm pregnant. The doctor says I have enough time to decide my option."
                          
   "Option?"
                          
   "Yeah you know, keep it, adoption, abortion. I was thinking about an abortion. We're both too young to raise a baby and I don't want to carry it just to give it away," noticing the change in his mood I clamp my mouth shut. Maybe I should have just kept that last part to myself. 
                          
   "Abortion?" He asks. 
                          
   "Y-yes-" 
                          
   Mason wraps his big strong hands around my neck, pushing half my body over the railing. I panic. My feet don't even touch the ground. "You talking 'bout killing my seed? My seed? If that's what you wanna do then why don't I just kill yo ass right now? I'm getting sick of you anyway, thinking it's okay for you to speak out of terms like that or sneak into parties and drink. My sister told me she saw you. You mean to tell me you carrying my seed and you out here drinking and partying it up like it ain't nothing?"
                          
   I place my hands over his and attempt to claw them off me. "P-ple-" I try to force out. Luckily I don't have to finish because Mason lets me go. I fall to the ground in a heap of sweat and tears, gasping for air. Mason hovers over me with a cold look in his eyes. I get up and run towards the door. I don't make it very far when Mason pulls me back by my hair. A blood-boiling scream erupts from my mouth. 
                          
   "That's okay. We'll just make another one," He says unzipping his pants. I try to pull away from him but his grip is too strong even with one hand. 
                          
   "Mason please don't do this. I wasn't really gonna go through with it. You know that."
                          
   "But you thought about it." He moves to pull down my sweats. 
                          
   "No!" I yell struggling in his grip. He ignores me and continues his quest to get my sweats down. So I draw back my arm and slap him as hard as I can. The sound of my hand connecting with his face echoes throughout the penthouse. 
                          
   Mason stops. He stares at me with those cold dead eyes and that's when I know; I truly messed up.