chapter 17

                                    

                                          
As I laid in my bed, I thought to myself;
                          
How had my life become to this?
                          
I'm so miserable with everything that I try to live up to, people always leaving me, no new people in my life; one to actually come on to me as a true friend.
                          
"Hey, I got you Chinese"
                          
Except Niall.
                          
He walked into my room, holding up a small bag in one hand and a soda in another. I cleared off some tissues from my comforter, too lazy to get up from the bed and put my tear rags in the trash.
                          
Right now, I was home alone. Rose and Harry were in Cheshire for the week, visiting Harry's family. Even though Rose has met them before, she seemed just as nervous, maybe a bit more, leaving the house yesterday.
                          
Louis and May were doing the same as well, yet this time Louis was meeting May's parents, or at least her dad. Louis had already met May's mum and her dad was always away on business so this was the time for them to meet up. He actually seemed calm and collected before getting on the plane with May, Samantha as well. That was until May called saying she couldn't even get Louis out of the plane.
                          
"Alright, so just you and me this week then?" Niall spoke, sitting on the bed and opening his box of food.
                          
Yeah that's the catch, Niall has to stay with me this whole week because Rose and Harry don't trust me to be alone. I mean I see where they're coming from, I did try to kill myself.
                          
I sniffed, the tears from Ashton causing my nose to swell up, "Yeah I guess so" I said lowly, not looking up from my food. I was shoveling it around with my fork, not doing much but just watching it move around. Maybe if I spread it out too much then it would look like I had been eating it.
                          
"Oh god," Niall sighed, looking at me, "I thought they were kidding. You really are affected by all this, huh?" he asked, taking a bite of the food he had on his fork. I shrugged, "Well I mean I did get cheated on for the second time, so." I said, no emotion in my tone. He looked at me sorrowfully, "Dakota, I didn't mean it like tha-"
                          
"No Niall, you did. You're probably just like everyone else right now, including me. Thinking, 'Oh, how could Dakota let this happen again.' maybe I actually am stupid Niall! Maybe I should just die alone with my stupid self, no one would probably care, I mean seems like they cared enough to cheat on me-" my breath caught in my throat as Niall slammed his hand on the bed.
                          
"Dakota! Shut up! You are worth it! You do have people who care about you, I care about you! Not all your relationships were shit, hell Dakota, I'm still in love with you-"
                          
"What?" I croaked, pulling my head up to meet his eyes. He sighed, "I've said it to you before, and I'm going to say it again." He grabbed my hands, pulling me closer to him, but still space between us.
                          
"I'm in love with you." he paused, tears still rushing down my face as the words sunk in deeper.
                          
Love.
                          
Why is he still in love, especially with me, out of all people. 
                          
Love is a strong word, and I don't think Niall knows how much the four letters affect me. 
                          
Love is complete acceptance. When we allow someone to be exactly as they are, without any belief that they aren't good enough, without any belief that they would be "better" if they were different.
                          
Love means so much, but Niall just throws the word around all the time like it means nothing.
                          
But maybe he did mean it.
                          
"I don't care how much you try to let me not, but my feelings will always be the same. It hurt for me to see you with Ashton, but I knew it made you happy. That's why when I saw him with the other girl, I went insane." he chuckled, but my face was still blank, emotionless even.