oct 17, 2016

                                    

                                          

I was gonna start this off with something else but then i typed the title with the "october" in it and suddenly got confused. 

                          
why is october the 10th month of the year? "octo" means eight and actually now that i think about it september should be seven so now i'm just kind of very confused. i think i've somehow talked about this before and i'm pretty sure it has something to do with caesar (is that how you spell him?). didn't he pretty much invent august or something? 

                          
i should probably do research on that. i might. 

                          
anyways, i'm writing this what i actually have to do it write a 200 words thing about typical german behaviour, and if i write a thousand words now, 200 words are going to seem like nothing at all later. i'm also only realizing now that i might have misunderstood the task but that's even better. actually now that i'm thinking about it i really have no idea what i have to do anymore. i think i might only have to write one rule which would be chill but then again how do i write one rule with 200 words? 

                          
the lazy ass that i am, i obviously googled "how to be german" to find more rules, because the homework was actually inspired by the "how to be british" cartoons and also this sociologist wrote a book about it and my enlgish teacher is very amused by it. lucky me, i found out that the same book exists in german and, well, looked for a little inspiration. but it's been way too long now, and i'm kind of starting to hate myself again for procrastinating on the dumbest of fucking shits. 

                          
which really, is completely normal for me during school time, when exams are starting up. ha! ha! 

                          
my problem is that i am an extremely lazy person. as in, extremely. i'm too lazy to go to the restroom sometimes. hell, i'm too lazy to change my tampon. so naturally, i put off studying forEVER until i realize i'm running out of time and try to get everything in my head within one day. but even on that day before the exam, i'm STILL procrastinating and suddenly reorganizing books that i haven't even touched in five years. 

                          
so naturally, i end up studying into the night until usually 3-4am, which is just sooo fun. because, fun fact: the reason we need so much sleep is so our brain can actually process what we learned that day and what not, which is obviously impossible when you only got two hours of sleep. hence, inability to concentrate when you haven't slept: your brain still hasn't processed everything you've learned the day before. 

                          
anyways, so i procrastinate a lot, and i sit here hating myself for it but still make no move whatsoever to get up and actually do something about it. it's strange. it's like, my rational part is screaming, yelling at me to do something so i won't be stressed out later, but the other part of me just ignores it as well as i can. 

                          
i was gonna do my math homework earlier, even though it's only due in two days and i opened up my folder, got out the problem. realized i didn't understand. threw it away after two minutes. that's me. completely unambitious to learn, especially when it's things i don't care about anyways. 

                          
if it's social studies or history, i might do some research on it because i actually care but maths? physics? biology? no way. 

                          
it's like my brain has a blocade, which i am pretty damn sure isn't an actual word and if it is, it's under no circumstances spelled like that. blockade. that looks better. still not sure if it#s real though.
                          
i'm gonna probably ignore spelling errors from now on, beacuse i swear to fucking god i keep making typos every three words and it's annoying the shit out of me.
                          
oh hey, by the way, i'm on my period. i usually don't get as cranky when I#m on my period, but this one is really getting the best of me. my friend gave me her old exams from my math teacher today and i looked at the exercises and i swear i almot started ccrying. math is really fukcing stressing me out. it's horrible.
                          
added to that anxiety is the fact that my math class is an incredibly good one. i swear pretty much everyon is so darn smart. i'm not stupid in any way. i'd actually say i'm above average in maths, but in my class i feel so much worse because alsmost everyone else is so WAY above aveage it just puts me down. it also makes it more likely that my math teacher is going to make the exam harder because she thinks we can all handle it but no FUCK I CAN't DUDE. i mean miss. sorry. 

                          
we also have a german exam friday and i'm scared shitless of that because i really really don't know what to do and ugh i'm getting so anxious i want to stop thinking i need to distract myself oh my god oh my god okay okay okayokay 

                          
one directino
                          
one direction 

                          
i feeel like i haven't seen louis is months but it's really only been a few days and i'm actually happy he's mia but i also miss him and i also miss harry and liam and liam has just been mia like pretty much all hte time ince the hiatus started and  i also miss sophiam omg that was mY ship they were so hot i miss my parents
                          
do you see what kind of fucking mood im in here i keep writing about negative shit this is the kind thing school adn stress does to me and i need to finsih this before i dig a deeper hole but i don't know wht i'm gonna do after i'm done wiritng this i don't want to do my homeowkr but i hAVE to please hannah just do your homework