Recovery isn't the flip of the blinds and letting the light inside. It isn't the flick of a switch, things just don't get better instantaneously. What recovery really is, is sifting through the sofa cushions for crumbs of courage and dimes of hope. Recovery is deliberately forgetting these giant chunks of life, these pieces of unwanted grasps that you never asked for. But no matter how much you want the memories to evaporate, you cling to them, like dryer lint to black polyester. Once the ocean takes you under, the struggle to get back up is more painful than the fall into it.
But recovery is also sleeping in on Mondays, and staying up late on Fridays. It is strawberry milk; sloshing like happiness in your tummy, the scent of new cotton candy candles washing through the air around you to remind you of the sweet things. It is laughing so hard you choke on your drink with a snort, and it starts to drip out of your nose. It is kisses that make your mind turn to honey, slow, unthinking, warm and sweet as you melt into this natural, creamy mess of love. It is feeling full after eating dinner, but getting dessert anyway, because god fucking damn it, you deserve that piece of double-decker chocolate pudding cake. It is remembering late at night, when you're trapped in tears and thoughts of all those moments, that feelings pass, and that tomorrow is going to be better. It is.
That's life. It is full of good things, and bad things, and you never really know where you are going to end up in the never ending kaleidoscope that is the cosmos. But just because today is a mixture of salt and water and hushed sobs, tomorrow is a fresh start that could be snorting milk up your nose from laughing so hard. Tomorrow the kisses might feel even better than honey, they could feel like forever.
It starts out with just a few extra minutes in bed. Troye groans inwardly and Jacob groans outwardly as the loud beeps of the alarm clock go off. Believe it or not, it is 9:00 a.m., but it is also summer, and that means it should really be 1:00 p.m., and they should be waking up without the loud blare of pings. Troye has to go to work at the library, though, and Jacob needs to turn in his job applications at some point. So, despite the fact that neither of them want to do anything, they are 'adults' now, and they have to do 'adult' things, like having responsibilities.
Troye stretches in bed, his foot knocking against Jacob's ankle as he lets out a content sound of stretching. His arms stretch above his head, ribs poking through his skin as his toes curl, and that is when Jacob makes his move. He yawns quietly, swiftly cuddling in under Troye's arm and wrapping his own arm over his bare chest, listening to the little noises that escape Troye's mouth. It's different, because usually Troye is the one wrapped up under Jacob's arms. But Jacob thinks he likes it this way just as much, being able to hear Troye's life thrum beneath him.
"Jacob, gotta get up and shower," he says, voice coated in a deep sleep still.
"Just a few more minutes," Jacob clenches his eyes closed, holding Troye tighter and murmuring a quiet, "please."
Troye sighs, "But I still gotta make my lunch, babe," he clears his throat, laughing lightly, "and dig for clean clothes."
Jacob opens one of his eyes and peers up to Troye. He briefly wonders why he has never seen Troye from this angle- from right below his chin. It is tilted down and his lips are stretched over his teeth, and Jacob has literally never seen Troye's face from this position. It is soft, always soft, and his bottom lip looks so much more plump, his cheeks rounder. His eyelashes curve up, and the light is making their shadows dance across his cheeks to the right. His eyes look darker, a ring of gold noticeable on the lower edge of his pupil- this miraculous and familiar mixture of colour seething out in soft smiles of 'yeah, this is our forever,' and Jacob thinks it is the best way to wake up in the morning. Troye's curls sprawl out differently, shooting out in messy, and disorderly directions. Jacob notes this, though: cute lil double chin from tilting it down against his chest to look at me!!! And Troye always looks pretty, sure, but he looks an even different amount of pretty right now, at this angle, and Jacob intends on doing sightseeing from this position more often.
