loved ones lost

                                    

                                          
CHAPTER FOUR
                          
MY LOVE ONES I LOST ALONG THE WAY
                          
WELL RIGHT BEFORE MY HUSBAND TURNED FORTY YEARS OLD I WAS SICK AND GOT TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL TO FIND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN. AT THE TIME OUR KIDS WERE THIRTEEN EIGHTEEN AND SEVENTEEN. SO WE HAD NOT EXPECTED THIS NEWS. WELL THE NEXT DAY I FOUND OUT WE WERE HAVING TWINS AND MY HUSBAND ALMOST PASTED OUT AND EVERYONE WAS EXCITED. IT WAS A GOOD PREGNANCY BUT I HAD TO BE BED RIDDEN AND I THOUGHT THINGS WHERE GOING WELL WHEN I STARTED TO BLEED I LOST MY BABIES AND HAD TO GO INTO SURGERY. THEY FOUND OUT THAT I HAD A SISK ON MY OVARY THAT HAD BEEN THERE FOR YEARS THEY TOOK OUT MY FALLOPIAN TUBE AND OVARY AND I WAS BED RIDDEN FOR A WHILE LONGER THEN I LOST MY SON MY SECOND CHILD HE WAS ABOUT TO BE EIGHTEEN AND HE HAD CEREBRAL PALSY. HE COULDN’T WALK OR TALK OR PLAY HE WAS LIKE MY BABY ALWAYS AND IT SHATTERED MY WORLD AS A WIFE I LOST MY BABIES AND DIDN’T FEEL LIKE I WAS A GOOD WIFE THAT I HAD LET HIM DOWN AND AS A MOTHER I HAD LOST MY CHILD AND I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOOD BYE. BUT THERE STOOD BUY ME MY FAMILY ALWAYS THERE FOR ME MY OTHER TWO GIRLS AND MY LOVING HUSBAND BUT I STILL HURT FOR A LONG TIME AFTER THAT. I REMEMBER THE DAY I LOST MY SON. I HAD WOKE UP AND MY YOUNGER DAUGHTER WAS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL AND I TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT I WANTED TO DRINK COFFEE AT THE TABLE WITH HIM. I TRIED TO GET OUT OF BED AND WAS IN A LOT OF PAIN BUT I GOT UP. AND WAS PUTTING ON MY HOUSE SHOES. MY HUBAND WAS GOING TO GET MY SON A BOTTLE BECAUSE MY SON WAS LIKE A BABY ALL HIS LIFE. WHEN I HERD HIM EXCLAIM OH MY SON WHY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE? HOW AM I GONNA TELL YOUR MOMMA?  AND AS I HERD THESE WORDS I SCREAMED NO PLEASE GOD NO PLEASE NO. NOT MY SON HOW WAS I TO LIVE WITH OUT HIM? MY HUSBAND THEN CALLED 911 THEY PRONOUNCED HIM DEAD BEFORE THE CORNER CAME TO GET HIM I HELD MY SON AND SANG HIM A LULABYE I WAS IN A STATE OF SHOCK I TOUGHT MAYBE THE PAREMEDICS COULD SAVE HIM I DIDN’T WANT TO BELIVE HE WAS GONE FOREVER HE WAS MY HEART AND SOUL MY ANGEL HE DIED WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE AND WAS LOOKING TOWARD HEAVAN. ITS LIKE HE WAS SAYING MOMMY IM OK NOW I CAN WALK AND TALK NOW AND DO ALL THE THINGS I NEVER GOT TO DO. AND WITH ALL MY FAMILY THERE I STILL FELT ALONE AND HEART BROKEN BUT AS ALWAYS MY NIGHT AND SHINING ARMER WAS THERE FOR ME AND HELPED ME TREW THIS HORRIBLE TIME. WELL THAT NIGHT ME AND MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS WERE SITING AROUND THE TABLE WHEN WE HERD THE SOUND OF CHILDREN PLAYIN AND THE SOUNDS OF LAUGHTER LIKE I HAD NEVER HERD BEFORE I BELIVE IT WAS GOD TELLING ME THAT MY SON WAS HAPPY AND I FELT A SET OF HANDS WRAP ARROUND ME. I BELIVE THAT MY SON WAS HUGGING ME SAYING MOMMY IT WILL BE OK. WELL THE NEXT FEW DAYS WHERE THE HARDEST HAVING TO BURY HIM WAS SO HARD I BELIVED I WOULDN’T MAKE IT. AS TIME MARCHES ON SO DOES LIFE. MY SON WAS AN ANGEL HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE. HE GAVE ME COURAGE AND STENGTH. HE WAS THE BEAUTIFULEST LITTLE BOY IN THE WORLD HE HAD BLUE EYES AND BLONDE HAIR THAT GLEAMED LIKE THE SUN. ALTHOUGH HE COULD NOT TALK HE HAD A WAY THE WOULD TELL YOU HOW HE FELT TROUGH HIS EYES HE WAS A JOY A BLESSING AND EVERYDAY I MISS HIM AND EXPECT TO HEAR HIS LAUGHTER BUT THAT IS GONE NOW BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN I WILL HOLD HIM IN MY HEART FOREVER. WELL TIME MOVED ON AND SO DID LIFE. ABOUT NINE YEARS LATER I LOST MY MOTHER IT WAS EARLY CHRISTMAS MORING AND I WAS ASLEEP MY FAMILY DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO TEEL ME AND MY DAUGHTER DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ME UNTILL MY GRANDSON OPENED HIS CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. BUT AS SUBBURN AS I WAS I SAW I HAD MISSED CALLS AND WANTED TO CALL THEM BACK AND MY DAUGHTER HAD TO TELL ME. SHE SAID MOMMA IM SORRY BUT MAWMAW DIED THIS MORNING. I STARTED SCREAMIN NO NOT MY MOMMA I WANTED SO MUCH TO BE THERE WITH MY MOMMA BUT NO ONE TOLD ME TILL IT WAS TO LATE I DIDN’T GET THE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE. SHE DEID AT 3 AM THAT MORING. AND WE COULDN’T MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TILL THE NEXT DAY . WHILE I WAS THERE I WAS NO EXPECTING THEM TO BRING HER OUT OF THE DOOR RIGHT BESIDE ME BUT THEY DID AND I FEEL TO MY KNESS SAYING PLEASE I WOULD BREATH FOR IF I COULD MOMMA PLEASE COME BACK AND MY HUSBAND HAD TO PICK ME UP OFF THE GROUND. EVEN THOUGH ALL THE HELL I WENT TREW I STILL LOVED MY MOMMA SHE WAS THE ONLY MOMMA I HAD AND WE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO TALK I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO TELL HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED. IT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST DAYS OF MY LIFE TO SEE HER IN A CASKET AND TO SEE HER BODY LOWERED INTO THE GROUND. THE DAY OF HER FUNERUAL I WALKED TO AND ALL MY FAMILY WAS THERE AND IT STILL FELT LIKE A DREAM TO ME THAT THIS DAY WAS JUST A VERY BAD DREAM THAT I COULDN’T WAKE UP FROM. I HAD LOST MY SON AND MY TWIN BOYS AND NOW MY MOTHER BUT I WAS STILL HERE AND HAD TO FIND A WAY TO SURVIVE FOR MY GRANDSON AND HUSBAND AND TWO DAUGHTERS. MY GRANDSON LOOKED AT ME ASND SAID MAWMAW IT WILL BE OK GREAT GRANDMAW IS IN HEAVEN AND HE HUGGED ME AND HE WAS ONLY TWO AT THAT TIME. ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN AND FOR THEM TO NORMAL AND NOT HAVE TO GO TREW WHAT HELL I DID AND I BELIVE I HAVE. THE REASON I WROTE THIS BOOK IS TO HELP OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN TREW WHAT I HAVE BEEN TREW. TO GIVE THEM HOPE SO HERE IS MY HAPPY ENDING.