Rough Pasts

                                    

                                          
"Babe?" Shawn called out from the living room, his footsteps getting louder as he approached our closed bedroom door. He knocked once before pushing it open, seeing me sitting on the bed, hair tied up in a messy ponytail, my body still wrapped in the silk dress from tonight's award show with my boyfriend of five years.
                          
"Yeah?" I responded, playing with the tips of my nails, refusing to look him in the eye.
                          
"Can we just talk about this? I don't know why you're being so distant. You barely talked to me tonight, and you've been pushing me away this whole week. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, baby, and I just want you to be honest with me and tell me what's on your mind," he sat down on the edge of the bed with me, slowly reaching his fingers into my lap, taking my hands in his.
                          
"Why didn't you tell me about your past?" I whispered, looking up into his warm honey eyes dripping with shock and sadness as the words left my lips. His heart was racing. I could feel the heat rush to his hands, sweat beginning to form in the crevices of his calloused hands that were slipping out of mine.
                          
"What do you mean?"
                          
He knew exactly what I meant, but clearly neither of us wish this part of him existed, but it did, and we couldn't avoid it any longer.
                          
"The drinking, Shawn, the cheating, everything, that whole lifestyle. You-You never told me you cheated on almost all of your past girlfriends, that you got drunk practically every night!" I shook my head, a violent thunderstorm forming in the depths of my black pupils, hot tears wetting my eyelashes and streaming down my face, taking my dark black mascara with them. "I had to find out through articles and pictures, god, the pictures!"
                          
"I-I changed, baby, that's a part of my life I never want to remember," he pleaded as I moved away from him slightly, "I've changed!"
                          
"How do I know that, Shawn? You're always out late, who knows what the hell you're doing out there. You could've been cheating on me all this years."
                          
"Baby, please," he whispered, "don't say that. I wouldn't do that." The sheets were wet with tears, his rough hands reaching out for mine. He was so close to me, yet so far away.
                          
"You've done it before, Shawn, to other girls, how can --"
                          
"That was all before I met you, baby, I-I've never touched another woman since. You changed me, you made me a better person. Shit happened, (y/n), and-and I won't sit here and deny it or pretend it never happened, because it did," he swallowed, taking a deep breath and placing a hand on my thigh.
                          
"You changed everything, princess. I didn't need alcohol or meaningless sex anymore," he took my hand, placing it over his rapidly beating heart, "Being in the spotlight got stressful and sex and alcohol was a way for me to relax. But ever since we've been together, I've been more calm, I didn't need that shit. I got you, baby, and if you leave me, I don't know what I'll do."
                          
"Shawn --"
                          
"I know you're probably gonna leave tonight. And I know I'm a mess no one wants to fix. I know I'm not perfect and I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of and --"
                          
"Shawn, I --"
                          
"Whenever I work late, it's for you. I'm doing my best for you. I want to make you proud of the person I've become. I wanted to start fresh so I thought it'd be better to not tell you about the things I've done. But I'm sorry."
                          
"I'm sorry, Shawn. And just so you know, I'm not leaving you, I promise," I whispered as he brought my hand up to his mouth, pressing his warm lips against my skin, "I shouldn't have judged you for your past."
                          
There was a long pause filled with a comfortable silence as we sat still in sadness yet perfectly content with each other. 
                          
"Will you marry me?" Shawn broke the silence. I felt my heart stop, heat rushing through my veins.
                          
"What?" I shook my head, unable to comprehend the fact that he had just asked me those four words.
                          
"Look, I know I don't have a ring with me, and I'll get you the prettiest ring you want tomorrow if you say yes, but will you marry me? You know everything about me now and I've been wanting to ask you this for the longest time and I --"
                          
"Yes, oh my god," I whispered, cutting him off, "a thousand times yes!"
                          
"Really!? Oh my god, I love you, wow we're really doing this," His eyes lit up, more tears streaming down his face.
                          
"I love you too."
                          
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um this is a really old draft and its so cringe and gross but i havent posted anythinf in so long and i guess this is better than nothing sdkskksks sorry !! smut coming next lol
                          
-rebecca