Pregnancy Scare!

                                    

                                          
33 Weeks April, 19th 2012  

                          
This feeling is one I've never had before...or more like feelings. I don't really know what I'm feeling. Angry at myself. Sadness that my pregnancy was almost over. Scared. Confusion and everything else under the sun. I wish for once things could be simple. And most of all. I wish Rob was here with me. The moments we should have been sharing together, I have had to go through myself. Morning sickness, finding out the gender, her first kick. her hiccups. How she will move whenever I talk to her which always makes me smile but also makes me sad. I'm starting to have second thoughts about the adoption. A part of me still thinks its best but the other part doesn't know if I can do it. Every day I fall even more in love with her. Right now I'm laying in my bed running my hand over my stomach crying, talking to my daughter. She's awake and moving around.
                          
"Hi, baby...I love you so much. 
Do you think I could be a good mommy to you?. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I want to do what's best for you and I'm torn. I have a feeling I might keep you. I don't know. I've never felt this kind of love before, even with your father. This is a whole different level. Goodnight baby....let mommy sleep, please. Like you understand me"I giggled as I turned over and pulled my blanket over me as I drifted off to sleep
                          
-next day-
                          
I woke up with a headache. I slowly got out of bed. I was a little dizzy when I stood up but that slowly faded away as I walked into my bathroom and got in the shower. I was hit with a feeling that I thought would be over by now. I clamped my hand over my mouth as I stepped out of the shower and wrapped arms around the toilet seat as I threw up into the toilet. It kept coming until there was nothing. To the point that all I was throwing up was acid and bile. After I was done I sat there in that position for a few minutes making sure I was done before I flushed and sat on the toilet as I put the seat down. I was sweating and panting. My baby was violently moving around in my stomach, so much that it scared me.
                          
"Shh baby were ok. You're ok"
I said as I patted and rubbed my stomach. Although I wasn't completely convinced we were. I went back in the shower and let the warm water rush over us. After a few minutes, i got out and went and wrapped myself in a towel. I sat back on the toilet and wrapped my arms around my stomach. She was still violently moving all over inside of me. Her movements didn't go back to normal. I slowly got myself to my bed. I laid there rubbing my stomach trying to calm her down. All the sudden her movements stopped completely. She wasn't moving at all. I gently rubbed and patted my stomach to get her moving a little bit. Honestly, this was scaring me. Before I could say anything. I had to throw up again. I darted the bathroom and repeated the process all over again but this time, there was no movement. At this point, i was crying
                          
"Come on sweetie. Let mommy know your ok baby girl." I said through my tears as rubbed my stomach. I got up and went and got into some pajamas. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and called my mom not sure who to call. I explained to my mom and that there was still no movement. What she said next sent me into panic mode
                          
"KRISTEN! GET TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM NOW! I'll meet you there."
                          
I immediately started crying as I grabbed my purse and headed out. the drive there was horrible. I just kept talking to my baby. When I got there, She still wasn't moving/kicking. I went in and my mom had already called them and let them know I was coming. they immediately took me back and got me into the bed. I wasn't crying but whimpering at this point. my mom came in as they were about to do an ultrasound on me. I threw my arms around her, scared out of my mind.
                          
"Kristen. it's going to be alright."
                          
I just nodded not trusting my voice at this point. the nurse came over