54 - you took my soul

                                    

                                          
and wiped it clean 
                          
(please listen to this song on repeat as you read this chapter. I don't care if it gets repetitive to listen to it more than once. It's important for the chapter, especially after the '* * *' in the middle of the chapter. Also it's an incredible song. The music video is also amazing, like the best music video I've seen for a while.
                          
The song is called All I Want by Kodaline.)



                          
Ashton and I went back to school as different people.
                          
I was changed. Completely. Over the course of the holiday I had fallen in love with Ashton Irwin, or rather, I had realised I had fallen in love with him. I don't know exactly when, how, or why it had happened, but somewhere in between the school trip and now he had taken my heart in his fist. 
                          
However, Ashton hadn't changed over the holiday. He knew his feelings for me before he told me, and he had just kept it to himself the whole time. But he was still the guy who had sat in the seat next to me in the lunch hall, grinning mischievously and asking, no, telling me that I liked drummers. When I realised that he himself was a drummer, I almost lost respect for them completely.
                          
But now, here I was, stealing glances at him from across the hall as he talked to his friends. Somehow, word had gotten around in the first ten seconds of the school day that Ashton Irwin had a girlfriend, and that that girlfriend was Aaron Taylor's sister, and that her name was Octavia Taylor. I was officially known as Ashton's girlfriend, which was great, I guess.
                          
I hadn't noticed, since that first time he talked to me, how renowned he was at this school. Knowing him changed that perception of him, but now I noticed. Since I only really hung out with him out of school, I hadn't seen how detached from the rest of his band he was, how in school he led a different life.
                          
In school, he had different friends, a different style, even different hobbies. 
                          
I had to love this Ashton, too.
                          
"Octavia!" A voice behind me sung my name loudly before a finger tapped my shoulder.
                          
I turned around to meet dark brown eyes and squealed in delight before giving my best friend an excited, tight hug. "I missed you, Cal! How dare you leave the country and not give me any warning for three weeks?" I exclaimed, pulling away and looking him in the eyes with my own stern ones.
                          
He smiled sheepishly. "My parents just landed the trip on me, I had to leave the country to see my newborn cousin, who is very sweet, by the way." His face then grew into a more mischievous expression. "Anyway, I heard that you are now together with Ashton; that's a new development!"
                          
I rolled my eyes. "Everyone's heard that, Calum. It just happened, we got together at he beginning of Easter and things just snowballed from there," I replied, beginning to walk away from my locker and towards my first lesson.
                          
"Well, I'm happy for you. It seemed like you were having fun with him before the holiday. I'm glad that you two are happy," he said. It was kind of a reassuring thing to hear him say that. I knew that he wouldn't interfere... like Ashton did with me and Luke.
                          
At lunch, I wanted to sit with Ashton, but he was sitting on a full table with his friends, and so I had to sit without him, with Calum, Michael and Cassy.
                          
It kind of hurt me that Ash didn't think to sit with me. I know it's trivial, but I thought that maybe he'd want to talk to me. I know I wanted to talk to him.
                          
* * *
                          
"Tavie!" I heard a voice behind me and stopped in my tracks as I was walking out of the school.
                          
I smiled to myself, but didn't turn around. The anger was still bubbling up inside of me, but I couldn't help but smile when I heard his voice. So I bit my lip, repressing the smile while I let him catch up with me.
                          
"What's up?" He asked, noticing my grumpy face that I had managed to mask my smile with.
                          
"You've been ignoring me all day, Ashton," I murmured, sounding a little whiny but wanting to express my agitation.
                          
"I-"
                          
"You're my boyfriend, and I want to be able to see you in school since there are times we can't meet up outside of it. This is the only time where we're guaranteed to see each other. I want to be able to talk to you over lunch about how awkward it was with Luke in Maths, and how annoyed I was at Michael for twittering on about his perfect relationship just to fill the silence. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for him and Cassy, but to use that conversation to fill and awkward silence between exes isn't really appropriate... and also I want to be able to rave to you about how great Art was and how irritating-"
                          
"I get it, Tavie, and I'm sorry. I'll hang out with you more tomorrow," he promised, and I grinned and hugged him.
                          
"I'm sorry for ranting," I said, "I just want to tell you everything. Communication is key."
                          
He chuckled and nodded, draping his arm over my shoulders and leading me to his car. I looked at him questioningly. "I'm going to drive you home, okay?" He asked.
                          
I smiled. "Of course!"
                          
The car ride home was perfect. He turned on the radio and turned the music way up, letting it blast out the windows and make heads turn on the pavement. I held his hand, and let Kodaline almost burst my eardrums as we drove down the back roads, trees and bushes flying past us.
                          
I felt so safe, so peaceful. It almost brought tears to my eyes as the guitar coming from the speakers brought out all of the best emotions in me.
                          
You know that moment when all the layers of the music build up and up until you almost want to scream? When each layer adds a new emotion and all of these feelings knot up inside your chest until it's physically painful to move?
                          
To me, that is the best feeling in the world.