| nine |

                                    

                                          
I walked up to the front desk where the same dirty-blonde haired lady sat. I had come to see Adam, and truthfully, I expected to be given another lousy excuse to get me to leave. I know he's been avoiding talking to me, but I don't understand why. I know it wasn't really my right to force him to go here, but i just wanted the best for him. I didn't–and don't–want to watch him throw his life down the drain for some stupid pills that he got addicted to because of me. 
                          
Me. 
                          
He's in this situation because of me. I'm the one who forced him to go to that party with me. I'm the one who got the oxycontin, put it in his hand, and told him to take it. It's my fault he got addicted. It's my fault he almost died. I led him down this path and I sure as hell want to lead him in a different direction. 
                          
I guess you could say I was mildly surprised when the lady said she would lead me to his room. Scratch that. I was astonished. For the first time in three weeks I was finally allowed to see my boyfriend. If that's even what we are. 
                          
The lady led me back to the room, knocked on the door then walked in. I have to admit, I got a sickening feeling in stomach, realizing everything that could possibly be going on behind that door. And everything that could have gone on in the few weeks that I hadn't seen or even talked to Adam. He could've lost all feelings for me, could've forgotten about me, or even worse...he could've moved on with someone else.  Adam was sat at a desk writing in his sacred notebook he rarely goes anywhere without. 
                          
"Mr. Gontier," the young woman's voice chimed, "Mr. Brad Walst is here to see you." Adam turned in his chair with bright eyes and a big smile, his eyes focusing on the woman. I frowned slightly as I noticed the two gawk at each other. 
                          
"Thanks, Ash," I could've sworn I saw Adam wink at her, but I wasn't sure if I was just imagining it. But 'Ash'? That has to be a nickname. And people don't just go around calling each other by nicknames. The lady left and partially shut the door behind her, leaving only enough of it open so that a sliver of the hallway light could seep through. 
                          
"Uh, h-hey," I said nervously. 
                          
"Hey," Adam continued to grin, "you can sit right there if you want," he pointed over towards the bed and I reluctantly sat down. 
                          
"C-can you sit next to me?" Adam nodded and sat  next to me, leaving a couple inches between us. 
                          
"So what's up? How've you been?" 
                          
"Seriously? 'What's up?'" I asked, slightly irritated. "I've been trying to see you, that's what's up. And how've I been? Pretty shitty, thanks for asking." Adam looked at me in shock and I already felt slightly guilty. 
                          
"I'm sorry, I just..."
                          
"You just what, Adam? All I've wanted to do these past three weeks is make sure you're okay but you can't even be decent enough to write me a letter. Hell, it didn't even have to be a letter. A notecard with some words on it would've been enough." Adam looked down at the floor, fiddling his thumbs. He only does that when he knows he's fucked up. Sometimes I wish I didn't know so much about him but other times I wish I knew more. I softened my tone and sighed. "I'm sorry, I just really miss you. I know I upset you by making you come here but i was only doing it for you. I wanted to see you happy again. I wanted you to be safe and okay. I was worried sick about you. I still am." 
                          
Adam was hesitant with his reply. "I really messed up, Brad," he mumbled. 
                          
"It's okay, we all make mistakes. But hey, you're clean now ri-"
                          
"Not that...I..." Adam shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm so sorry," he added quietly. 
                          
"Adam, why? What's wrong? What happened?" I moved myself closer to him and slid my arm around him, trying to comfort him. 
                          
"Ash..."
                          
"W-what" I started to realize what I had predicted was true, but I didn't want to believe it. 
                          
"We kissed." I felt my heart shatter in my chest, my lungs seemingly starting to collapse. "I'm sorry, Brad. I'm so sorry."
                          
"No," I stood up and looked down at Adam, "no. No, fuck you. Fuck you, Adam." 
                          
"Brad I-"
                          
"Fuck you! All I ever gave to you was my love! I always cared for you and pulled you up even if it killing myself at the time! I was always fucking there for you whenever you needed me, even when you would let me down! I thought I could trust you! I thought you were mine and only mine forever! I thought be loyal to me! But no! So fuck you, Adam Wade. Fuck you and everything you are." I turned on my heels and started heading for the door.
                          
"Brad! Stop, please, I can explain!" I continued to walk out, and just as I was leaving the room, Ash was walking in. I gave her a glance of death as i passed her and started walking down the hallway. Tears found their way down my cheeks as I walked out the building. My trust was broken and my heart was shattered. 
                          
Who knew he'd be the one to let it die?
------
woah okay, damn. i feel so bad for Brad. 
double update bc i actually had motivation to write at 9pm ((: