Just Once...

                                    

                                          
Everyone of you knows by now how I feel about Wattpad. It's kind of a love-hate thing . But let's not talk about me and the big WP. It's a one sided relationship and WP doesn't listen to me anyway. 
                          
But...how about me and you? Me and the followers? The commenters? The voters? The silent readers? The pyscho stalkers? We're fine.  
                          
Well...except...Okay, here is the thing.  I love you guys. I really do. Not in a sexual way, of course. That would just be weird, and tiring, and possibly prohibitively expensive, lol. It's more of a kindred soul thingy going on between us. You know the kind. I write stuff. You read stuff. I write more stuff. You read more stuff. I write even more stuff. You read even more stuff. You know, special like that. 
                          
It's just that, well, some of you are so damn frustrating! Not choke the life out of you with my bare hands frustrating or anything like that. It's more like "seriously?" and then roll my eyes, frustrating. You guys vex me. All the time. I do not get on WP one single day without at least one of you doing something that makes me want to politely slap you with sock... with a bar of soap in it. I would love to just one time to have a completely psycho free experience on here. 
                          
But alas, that is not my Wattpad experience. 
                          
Here are some of the things that you guy do that drive me crazy...
                          
Just once...I would like to get on Wattpad without finding someone messaging me or posting on my board telling me to read their story. Now get this, they've never read mine. They are not going to follow me or even take a peek at my story at all. They just arbitrarily pounce on my page and say "Read my story blah blah blah and dont' forget to vote and comment!" They don't say they will read mine or follow me. Just gimmie gimmie gimmie. I find that it's usually the kids that do this. Yeah, sure, I'll read your stuff. Yeah, no. 
                          
Just once... I would like to write a story in which you guys don't start having some dumb conversation in  the comment section of my story that has nothing to do with my story. Yes, I am talking to you. You know who you are. You see one of your friends in your newsfeed comment on my story so you decide to go over there and strike a conversation about your dog having puppies. Seventy comments later we all find out what name you gave them, how much they eat, and what their poop looks like. Yeah, no. 
                          
Just once...I would like to write a story where someone doesn't jump into the comments to go all fangirl on their favorite writer who is, by the way, not me. I happen to have a few followers who happen have a large following. So every once in a while they will comment on my page and someone decides to get all fan crazy about them. They are like "Oh my god you're my favorite writer! " and they are like "Thanks I appreciate that" and they are like "Wow, I didn't know you read this AlvarezChronicles guy. Is he any good? I've never read him.". And they are like "He's alright. It's always nice to meet a fan! Thank you so much!" Ugh. Get a room you two. Get your own room. This is my room. Go play kissy face somewhere else. 
                          
Just once...I would like to get on Wattpad and not see one of you psychos that do the mass following thing follow me. You guys are jerks.  
                          
Just once...I would like to get on Wattpad and not have all my new followers be pre-teens. I have nothing against pre-teens. Once, when the world was young, I was a pre-teen myself. But now I am not. I just, you know, would like to talk to an adult once in a while. 
                          
Just once...I would like to get on Wattpad and find a real poet. lol. Just messing  with you poets. You know I love you. You guys have a special relationship with words. You and words are like friends with benefits. And I'm not talking about social security benefits either. Though some of you probably are old enough for those benefits, and too old for the other benefits. Getting off point here. 
                          
Just once...I would like to scroll through new profiles and not find one written in third person. Seriously? You talk about yourself in the third person? Stop it. Alvarez don't play that game. He don't. Alvarez will mess you up if you keep doing that. That's just the way he rolls. 
                          
Just once...I would like to get on Wattpad and not see new stories about bad boys, billionaires, beauty queens, cowboys, and blah blah blah. Basically if the word "sigh" ever shows up in your story just throw it away. Thanks. 
                          
And finally, Just once....I would like to get on Wattpad and not see people being jerks with each other. None of you are good enough of a writer to be an a-hole about it with anyone else. Get over it and be nice to one another. Your life is your life. But your Wattpad life is shared with others. Treat others like you would like to be treated. 
                          
Until next time Chasers of Wattpad. I must go now. Netflix calls. 
                          
P.S. - Listen to the song. James Ingram is the best.