August 30th 2016

                                    

                                          


                          
"Is Jasmine back yet?"
                          
"She landed a little while ago. I'm five minutes away from JFK on my way to pick her up."
                          
"You're on the phone and driving? Soph, that's-"
                          
"Called hands free. You're coming through the speakers of the car."
                          
"Ah, ok. Well, have you heard the news?"
                          
"What news?"
                          
"The news."
                          
"What are you going on about, man?"
                          
"Never mind. Not my place to tell you. Anyway, are you missing me yet?"
                          
"I'm always missing you."
                          
"Good answer."
                          
"Were you expecting anything less of me?"
                          
"No, I've always known that you're madly in love with me to the point of being a stalker."
                          
"Uh, says they guy who incessantly phoned me every day for weeks on end. Really, Daniel, who is the stalker?"
                          
"Hey, you're the one who kept taking my calls. Deep down, you've always been in love with me, it just took you longer to realise it."
                          
"Longer? Longer than what?"
                          
"It took you longer than it took me to realise that you're in love with me."
                          
"Let me get this straight- you think you fell in love with me before I fell in love with you?"
                          
"Oh, I know I did."
                          
"I don't think you did."
                          
"You fell in love with me on March the thirteenth."
                          
"Did I?"
                          
"Mhm, because you got really pissed off that you thought that I'd slept with that Tamsin girl."
                          
"I fell in love with you because I thought you'd slept with someone?"
                          
"Exactly. You got jealous and no rational woman ever gets jealous unless there's something to get jealous about. You thought Tamsin was going to take me away from you and so you became jealous. Because you were in love with me."
                          
"Not exactly true, but whatever. I take it you fell in love with me before the thirteenth of March."
                          
"It was the sixth of March and you and I danced to that Édith Piaf song in some ridiculously run down bar in Paris and you looked at me while whisper-singing the lyrics in French, and even though I had no idea what you were singing, I remember thinking, 'You have to marry this woman.'"
                          
"You're smooth, Whitaker."
                          
"Like butter."
                          
"Ok, not so smooth after saying that."
                          
"Damn it. I should have quit while I was ahead."
                          
"Yes, you should have. I've just arrived at the airport pick up point. I should hang up." 
                          
"No, don't. Not yet."
                          
"What, why?"
                          
"Trust me, ok?"
                          
"Ok."
                          
"..."
                          
"..."
                          
"Do you see her yet?"
                          
"Yeah, she's got some poor guy taking care of her luggage for her."
                          
"Mhm."
                          
"..."
                          
"..."
                          
"..."
                          
"..."
                          
<<Hey, bitch. How was your weekend?>>
                          
"-It was good. Yours?-"
                          
<<It was great.>>
                          
"Ask her why it was great?"
                          
<<What the fuck? Who is that? Daniel? Is he on loudspeaker or something?>>
                          
"Hello, Jasmine."
                          
<<Really, Sophie?>>
                          
"Ask her why it was great, Soph?"
                          
"Alright, alright. -Jasmine, why was your weekend so great?-"
                          
"Yeah, Jasmine. Why was it so great?"
                          
<<You know, Danny, one day I'm gonna kill you and the judge will give me a medal for my contribution to society.>>
                          
"Now is that how you're going to speak to me, Jasmine, dearest? After all, aren't we going to be family soon?"
                          
"Wait, what? -What?-"
                          
<<Samuel proposed. I said yes. End of story. Doesn't mean I won't stop planning the perfect murder of your asshole fiancée.>>
                          
"-You're engaged?-"
                          
"Ask her to see the ring, Soph."
                          
"-Ring? Show me. Holy shit! Is that...- Daniel, is that... is that the ghastly family heirloom?"
                          
<<Hey, that's my engagement ring you're bashing. But, yes, it's the family heirloom.>>
                          
"Daniel, you were right. It's fucking hideous."
                          
<<Ok, bitch, cool your catty ways. Leave the ring alone otherwise I'll have to ask Britta from Marketing to be my maid of honour.>>
                          
"Please, Sophie, I bet of you to continue."
                          
"Shut up, Daniel. -Jasmine, what the fuck?-"
                          
<<Look, can you just drive me to the nearest liquor store and then drive me home? Once I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you all about it. Deal?>>
                          
"-Deal.- Sorry, Daniel, but I've got to go now. We've got booze to buy and proposals to talk about. I'll call you tomorrow. In the meantime, call your brother and get his version of the story, will you? Then we can compare tomorrow."
                          
"Haha, ok. Don't drink too much."
                          
"Really? You're going to tell me not to get drunk? After the last time you went out and got pissed?"
                          
<<Ok, Dumb and Dumber for marrying Dumb, can we stop with the whole lovers quarrel? I'm so over you two acting like an old married couple when you're... old and not married. Yet.>>
                          
"Jasmine, I literally can wait until you and my brother marry. I can wait a lifetime. Or until the day you die, whichever comes first."
                          
<<Oh, that's sweet of you. Ditto, Danny, ditto.>>
                          
"Will you two please stop? You're giving me a headache. Daniel, I'll call you tomorrow. I love you."
                          
<<Ew. Vomit.>>
                          
"I love you too, Soph. Jasmine, always a pleasure."
                          
<<Sarcasm is unbecoming, Danny.>>
                          
"You've spent too long around my grandmother. God, life is going to be unbareable from now on."
                          
<<You bet your bottom dollar it will.>>
                          
"Yay."
                          
"I'm hanging up now."
                          
[Call ended.]