letting go

                                    

                                          
I glare at Ufrik. Granted, it isn't him exactly. He has managed to make himself look a little different in here. His face not precisely as before, ears not pointed, skin slightly darker, but his hair is still shock white, and his glowing gold eyes are ever-present.
                          
When he had entered the Home Base, I don't know how I didn't see it. His face may have looked a little different, but the cocky attitude and facial expressions are so obvious to me now, I feel a little stupid. 
                          
Yet, there is no point in beating myself up for it. It may have been misplaced hope, but I want answers he has about my past. 
                          
And if I had recognized him earlier, I may have tried to kill him on the spot, ruining my chances for knowledge - and finishing this stupid game. 
                          
Can I kill him in the game? Only one way to find out. Shrugging mentally, I can't decide right now. Maybe I will find out. Maybe not. 
                          
He had said something about training. If I could connect with my K'ai more regularly, without the risk of killing everyone around me, that alone could be worth letting him live. For now. 
                          
That didn't change the fact we still have a score to settle, though. The bastard sold me out.
                          
Perhaps a little maiming would make me feel better. Is it wrong that the idea of hurting him makes me want to smile? But to the matter at hand.
                          
"What does that mean? Give up? If you start to laugh again, I will break your nose." Hey, if opportunity strikes, I won't look the other way.
                          
His laugh turns to a smirk, eyes dancing. His good mood makes me want to throat punch him. Why in the stars is he so fucking happy?
                          
"Damn, Zea. Why are you always so crusty? Lighten up... Well, on the inside. You seem to have the outwards part covered." He snickers quietly. 
                          
Fuck him. I shoot lasers at him with my eyes. Not literally, mind you, but I am tempted to see if I can.
                          
I feign indifference, shrugging a shoulder to show I could give zero fucks what he thinks. I am not about to let him know. 
                          
I have no idea why but he makes it hard for me to control my emotions. It is a matter of pride. My reaction to him is not normal. Why is he able to get under my skin so quickly?
                          
"Hope that wasn't your attempt at humour, Ufrik. Start explaining how I get through this game... Please." 
                          
I make that sound way more sincere than I feel on purpose. The sincerity in my voice shocks him silent. 
                          
The smirk leaves his face, and his eyes get serious. He wasn't expecting a sincere, polite asshole, just a crusty asshole. Is that what it takes to shut him up? Good manners? 
                          
"This is the hard part, Zea. For you, probably harder than most. You have to let go." His eyes bore into me with such intensity I almost look away.
                          
"Let go? Let go of what?" I have a horrible feeling creeping over me suddenly. Like I forgot to rinse the soap off in the shower. I feel gross and pissy all at once. 
                          
"Everything." 
                          
What in stars does that mean?
                          
"Wow. Don't get so specific." He isn't exactly helping. At this rate, I am beginning to think I should just go figure it out for myself.
                          
"You have to acknowledge you are not in control. It's like giving yourself up to the Universe and its plan."
                          
I snort my disgust. 
                          
"Not my style."
                          
I don't believe in an almighty plan. I won't give myself over to anyone else's schedule either. Especially the "Universe's."