32.

                                    

                                          

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
                          
 Wanting Julian 
                          
Chapter 32.
                          
This was probably one of the worst days of my life. 
                          
I was in so much shock I was numb. As soon as that woman who Xavier called 'mother' had that gun pointed at me, my legs went numb and I couldn't  move, even if I had tried. 
                          
I wish I had moved out of the way. I wish I told Xavier that I was okay, that his mother wasn't going to shoot me. I wish I had helped. Maybe Xavier wouldn't be fighting for his life if I did. 
                          
I knew I couldn't blame this on myself. It wasn't me, it was her, yet I kept thinking about the what ifs. 
                          
I felt like a mess at this moment as I sat on one of the hard plastic chairs. My cheeks were wet and red from my tears, my head was pounding in effect. 
                          
God, please be okay. 
                          
I felt so helpless. There wasn't anything I could do to help. Xavier was in the hands of the doctors and nurses here at the hospital and all I had to do was sit and wait. 
                          
But sitting and waiting was the hardest thing. What if things weren't going to be okay? Xavier had confessed for the first time that he loved me, I wanted to jump up and down with joy. But he was fighting in a hospital bed, a bullet in his chest and now I had nothing to jump in joy for. 
                          
And God, did I love him too. 
                          
I laid my head in my hands and cried some more. I think my tears were all gone and wasted. 
                          
Hours had gone by and I couldn't get the image of Xavier lying on his bed, his breathing getting weaker and weaker and his eyes dropping fast out of my head. 
                          
I had screamed and cried and shook him to wake up but he wouldn't. 
                          
They had to act fast and operate. I didn't know what was going on and what was going to happen, but I was praying. 
                          
A part of me wished it was me, not him. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve anything that had happened to him throughout his life. My heart constricted.
                          
My poor Xavier. 
                          
I finally took my hands from off my face and flickered my eyes up. I saw a doctor walking towards me and my heart rate spiked. 
                          
 I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to be sick, I wanted to cry. 
                          
"Any news?" I stood up from my chair, my skin become clammy. The doctor stood infront of me, his face a picture of sympathy.