19 - If

                                    

                                          
***9840 Before you guys read, I'd like to thank you all for 1005 followers. WTF!!! I am still not able to comprehend what that means but I am grateful. Also, The Other Roommate has a new cover because SLOTHTATO the wise child is very sweet.
                          
When a person longs for another, the first they think about are all the good memories they shared as they drift along the unforgiving tides of nostalgia. 
                          
But then, they recall the reason why they miss them in the first place - why they weren't together anymore. In turn, ruining reminiscences and defining the misery that never seemed to erode despite time.
                          
That was often Camila's dilemma. 
                          
Regret was often the most prominent emotion bubbling in her being and as much as it plagued her to the point of physical pain, the unanswered questions and unexplored possibilities were worse.
                          
If she hadn't been an idiot, in the first place, Camila wouldn't have pushed Lauren away. And granting that was inevitable, she could have done something other than pack her bags and leave the state; leaving open cuts that would unceasingly bleed. Had she searched for Lauren that morning, called her phone and exhausted every single change to get a hold of her, Camila wouldn't have been asking herself - wondering about the turnout and the conversation that would have ensued, granting Lauren permitted it. 
                          
But her predicament wasn't as simple as that. 
                          
For months, Camila was tormented by the demons she created in her head but the kindling had been implanted in her, congregated throughout her life. 
                          
It only needed a spark to start the blaze that would consume all in its path and in her case, it was a dislodging explosion.
                          
And when she left Philadelphia, Camila yearned to leave everything away and start anew but memories would continue to haunt her to that very day. 
                          
Thinking wasn't all that bad, Camila would tell herself. For years, her only trusted companion were her thoughts. It didn't matter if they were grim, malicious or downright ridiculous – no one could judge her or belittle her, or tell her she was wrong. Her thoughts were what drove her to work hard and make something out of her life while burdened with a compelling heartache.
                          
Then again, it didn't yield much unbiased opinion and would often stem from her sentiment, her sentiments alone – without care for another's grievances or for reason. 
                          
It was imperfect but it was her companion, nonetheless. 
                          
And without another person in the equation, the risk of being left behind again was virtually zero.
                          
She appreciated Luca and Milo, she did but she was cautious; never allowing herself to invest in their company enough. Throughout the years that she'd known them, Camila braced for their foreseeable exodus from her life. She was utterly surprised that after nearly nine years, they were still around, and their circle gradually expanded to include Linda, Madame Patty, Darnell and little Elf. 
                          
Camila reminded herself to call the boy with his desired nickname. She promised herself that there would be a complete overhaul with the way she treated the boy continuing the changes that commenced since the boy hugged her one morning. She vowed to be his protector and she would validate his every sentiment and raise him with as much love as she could offer.
                          
She'd do it for herself; to be the person she needed when she was growing up. She'd do it for Sofi, whom she had abandoned.
                          
And she owed it to Elf. He was her son no matter how fleeting that title was.