Chapter One: One Last Time

                                    

                                          
     There I was, on my knees of a hospital room, one last time as I let out sob after whaling sob. I told myself I wouldn't do it this time. But as usual I let myself down. It's not like I hate looking at myself in the mirror all red and puffy faced, or the fact that I soak my sweater in salty tears. It's the way they look at me, the way they touch me. The way they say words to me that they think will make things seem at least the tiniest bit better. They're wrong.
                          
     After at least twenty minutes of knelling on that cold, and now wet, floor I decided to take a deep breath and stand up to face them. As I shakily stand and wipe my face clear, I walk past all the  social workers and police officers to the hallway where I know I'll be given the "talk" to. I slide down the wall, pull my knees to my chest, then bury my face in them. Why couldn't he have killed me too?
                          
     I hear footsteps and slowly look up. It's a muscular old officer with salt and pepper hair and a tall young women with blonde hair and a clip board.
                          
     "Hello, Amanda. I'm Lindsey and I'm with children services. I'm so terribly sorry what has happened to your family. Since you are only fifteen, we have to find some place for you to stay temporary until we find you a distant family member for you to live with." The women explains.
                          
   I give her a blank stare. Is this lady for real? Doesn't anyone know this was my last family member? My last hope? My last piece of sanity?
                          
    They look at me for a bit like I'm some homeless puppy. The old officer shifts his weight then with a southern accent says,
                          
     "Look, I know this is incredibly hard but you have to come with us to a private room to discuss our options hun."
                          
     What the actual hell, who does this guy think he is? Has he lost every single member in his family? Has he had to witness every single death? Exactly so keep talking buddy.
                          
     Lindsey holds out her perfectly manicured hand and says,
                          
     "Come on Amanda take my hand sweetie."
                          
       I stare at her hand as if it's a foreign object. Is she serious? Who the hell am I supposed to stay with? I guess they'll soon find out then I'll go to some foster home where I'll live with some freaky family who has nothing else to do but let homeless kids take up space in their houses.
                          
     I put my hands on either side of me and push myself to my unsteady feet. The officer and Lindsey look down at me then turn to lead the way to the "private room". They'll soon find out.
                          
     When we arrive to the room Lindsey unlocks the silver door and holds it open for us. I walk in to find a huge room with an oval table and chairs surrounding it that looks like a conference room. I walk to the farthest chair and sit down then cross my legs. I pick a spot on the table to stare at so I don't have to make any eye contact I take a deep breath to compose myself. This shouldn't take long.
                          
     They sit down on the two chairs surrounding me as if they're locking me in. Lindsey puts down her clipboard, clicks her pen on, and finally speaks.      
                          
     "So Amanda. I realize you don't have any immediate family that lives by,"
                          
     She means I don't have any family at all...
                          
     "But since you are over the age of fourteen, you are allowed to stay with a friend's family temporarily until we can find you a better home."
                          
     What the... The only friend I have is Lucus. I seriously doubt they'll let me stay with a fifteen year old boy's family.
                          
     "So do you have any close friends near by?"
                          
     I look up at Lindsey. I guess it's worth a shot.
                          
     "Umm, I have a friend. He's a boy though... His name is Lucus Grandy." My small, rough voice barely gets out.
                          
   She looks down at her clip board and writes down the name Lucus Grandy. Then she looks back up at me and says,
                          
     "I'm going to need his home phone number and the name of his parents or legal guardians. I'll have officer Jeff take you back to your house to pack up your belongings. Everything has been cleaned up. Don't worry, you'll just have to go back one last time."
                          
     I get a painful surge in my stomach. I have to go back to my house. I guess I knew I had to eventually. I can't just borrow clothes from the hospital like I have been doing these past few weeks. But sleep at Lucus' house? He is the single most horny teenage boy I have known in my entire life. Sure he's my best friend, and my only friend but how does she know if he has a safe family?
                          
     Oh my gosh... I just got pulled back to reality. Lucus doesn't know. He doesn't know anything that happened. I told the news casters to not reveal names or pictures. I've talked to him over a million times on the phone but this is going to be the single most awkward phone call ever. I hate it when people pity me. I hate it so very much. But my own best friend? This is going to be hell.
                          
    I tell Lindsey the information she needs, then the officer guides me to his car. As I walk out of the hospital into the frosty winter air, I look up at the moon. The same moon I was looking at three weeks ago when my life got turned upside down. I get into the back of his car and I feel like I'm going to puke. I can't do this.
                          
     I quickly open the door and a mixture of stomach acid and water escapes from my mouth because I have barely eaten in weeks. I wipe off my mouth and close the car door.
                          
     "You sure you can do this hun?" Officer Jeff says with the little compassion that he seems capable of showing.
                          
     I give him a nod and fasten my seatbelt. I have to get this done sometime. The sooner I get it done with, the sooner I never have to see that hell house ever again.