Chapter 26

                                    

                                          
HARRY’S P.O.V.
                          
I hadn’t really expected this to happen, but as soon as he touched me, I felt at home. Louis’ arms are my only constant home. I couldn’t give a shit where I was, as long as Louis was there with me. Once we were in his bed, I knew I had to make him remember the real me. How I was before I ruined myself. That version of me was lost from Louis’ eyes and I had to prove to him that I was still there. I really did plan on talking to him first, but our love was so much deeper than most. Sure, it might seem like lust took over, but it was really just our intense need to feel alive. Louis’ touch keeps me alive.
                          
“We really should talk.”
                          
Louis rolls over on my arm and looks up to me. He looks flustered, still catching his breath. I could tell he had been avoiding this conversation since I stepped through his door, but it’s unavoidable if we’re ever going to move on. Besides, I need to tell him about Cara and I’s meeting with Jason.
                          
“Alright, yeah we should.”
                          
He takes a deep breath and sits himself up against the headboard and I do the same. He pulls the sheets up to his chest and looks at me impatiently.
                          
“First of all, I would like to apologize properly and talk to you about the past month of my life.”
                          
Louis’ eye twitches and I can tell this will be a rough conversation to have, not because of the hurtful things I did to him, but because of the hurtful things I did to myself. He’s going to be heartbroken.
                          
“When you left, I felt like my life was... gone. I had nothing I looked forward to daily, besides your phone call. Every night, I sat in my room after whatever event management sent me to, and cried. Blubbered like an idiot, Lou-“
                          
Louis closes his eyes for a moment and I pause to watch his reaction.
                          
“Harry, why didn’t you tell me? We could have-“
                          
“Could have what? After those pictures on the balcony, trying to talk management into bringing you back, would have made it worse. Anyway, I didn’t even last a week before I called Kevin. He met me at some party and convinced me that coke was my best option. It was the only way I had energy to go to those dumb things with Cara or whoever, but Lou, I felt so empty inside. I felt like a robot. That’s why I showed up in France. You were the one thing that could fill that void and I really just needed to talk to you about it all.”
                          
“You didn’t though.”
                          
“Well, I almost did a couple times, but I didn’t want to ruin the time we had, so I put it off. Then, I had no choice and I was gone again. I was angry at management and at that point, I almost hoped they found out. I almost hoped that it would ruin my career so I would be free to just live my life. My life with you.”
                          
I feel hot tears sting my eyes as I see all the color leave Louis’ face. He looks so upset, but I need to get everything out.
                          
“I constantly thought about you and how much I missed you. I was so pessimistic. I thought, ‘well, when he get’s back, they’ll keep him away still and it’ll just be worse’. I kept escaping from reality through use of drugs, and I know how awful that is and love, I’m so sorry. I should have been strong. I wish I could have been strong for you.”
                          
My slow tears have turned into muffled sobs as I cover my face shamefully in my hands. Suddenly, a warm hand rests on my shoulder and it’s as if my body calms instantly, filling with the only light in my world. I stop hiding my face and search for his loving eyes in the dim light. His deep blues glisten with tears and I instantly feel pain for causing him to cry.
                          
“Louis, I can never forgive myself for doing what I did to you, no matter what was influencing my mind. I will NEVER feel that I deserve your love, whether you give it to me or not. What I did was so unacceptable, I can’t even explain in words how much it kills me to think that I hurt you physically and emotionally. I...I-“
                          
I don’t have words, and even if I did, they wouldn’t be able to slip between my frantic bouts of cries. Louis’ hand slides from my shoulder to my arm, pulling my hand out from the covers to hold tightly in his. He wipes away the tears from his cheek and takes a deep breath before speaking.
                          
“Harry. It’s very difficult for me to understand how you dealt with this situation, but it was really just a spiral of events that sprouted from ONE decision; to do drugs. I could care less about the rest. Sure, you hurt me the other night... and sure, finding you in bed with Cara the next morning was like a knife to the heart, but I know none of that would have happened if you didn’t have other factors influencing you. I know you, Harry. The real you; and I’m convinced that if you stay clean, we can move on from this. I haven’t put so much effort into our relationship to see it die. I plan on spending the rest of my life with you and we have to come to terms with the fact that we’re going to face trials. This just happens to be the first big one.”
                          
I can’t believe my ears. I knew Louis was understanding and forgiving, but he’s become so mature and caring in the past few years. I squeeze his hand and lean over to place a sweet kiss on his parted lips. He reciprocates my action and rests his other hand on my thigh. I break away and stroke his cheek softly, staring deeply into the eyes of the man that would always hold my heart.
                          
“There’s also one more thing. Cara and I both wanted to make it up to you... so we went to Jason.”
                          
“What?”
                          
Louis looks terrified. I have to admit, it’s the same look I had on my face when we walked into Jason’s office.
                          
“No, it went well. We basically blackmailed...well, me, I guess... by faking a picture of me snorting coke and said it would be released if he didn’t comply with us. He agreed to help us see each other privately! Also, Cara won’t have to be around so much. She wanted out all the way, but we had to compromise.”
                          
Louis’ stare is blank and I can tell he’s shocked.
                          
“He’s gonna....help us?”
                          
“I know, it’s still a shock to me, too. We’ll go in to sign a new contract of sorts. This time, we’re going to pay attention to the fine print. Maybe we can actually live together again!”
                          
Louis forces a grin and I can tell he sees it as too good to be true. To be honest, in the back of my mind it really is. I push those thoughts aside and reach behind Louis’ neck, pulling him closer to me so I can feel his lips inches away from mine. I brush over them lightly with mine and finally press them together, breathing in his scent and entire essence. I love Louis with my whole heart and I’m more than ready for this to work out in our favor for once. We just have to believe that it can.
                          
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A/N:
                          
I would just like to say thank you to my lovely active readers <3 you guys are the reason I keep writing ;) I love reading comments.. p.s. idk who drew that picture, but it's the most adorable thing I've ever seen. k, xx