14ㅣConfession

                                    

                                          
"I only see you as a friend and..." I trail off again struggling to get the words out. 
                          
"And what?" He asks a little annoyed at my behaviour. 
                          
I gulp, before saying, "I-I... I like Hoseok".
                          
Taehyung put his hand up, Palm facing me, and his head down. "Wait," he lifts his head up, "What did you say? I don't think I heard you correctly," he snarks. "Did you say you-you Love Hoseok?" His anger level rises. 
                          
I slowly nod. I don't want to hurt him but, I didn't want it to go any further. I would've regretted it later, for example what happened in my closet. Knowing that I lost my virginity to Hoseok and then have sex with his best friend twice? That would be so shameful, even though I did it once and is paying by the regret in the pit of my stomach. I don't think I could ever face Hoseok again. 
                          
The thought of betraying Hoseok's trust didn't sit well with me. I finally clear my mind. I realise that I do like Hoseok. More than Tae, more than anyone, and more than my own mom. Including my appa but that's not saying much on his part. 
                          
I can't help falling for him. Hoseok may be a perverted little shit but, he has another side, a soft side. Taehyung on the other hand, is nice and kind. He is gentle. But, can't control his hormones. That is atotal deal breaker for me. 
                          
I put my hands in my lap, straightening my arms, making my shoulders rise, while looking away from him. "I didn't ever think that I would like Hoseok, even my first impression of him started off bad. It's just one night he came over and then...and then..."
                          
"And then what?" Sarcasm drips from his lips. 
                          
"And then he comforted me when I was crying and..." Yet again, I trail off. 
                          
"And what?!" He yells in frustration. 
                          
I relax my shoulders, fiddling with my fingers, finding the courage to look at him again. "I felt secure in his arms and he kissed me in the lips and then..."
                          
I can see his face heating up. He got really angry whenever I say 'and then' and trail off. It tips him over the edge, that he ends up yelling at me. "AND THEN WHAT?!! I'M CURIOUS! IT'S IRRITATING ME SO MUCH! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME?! I'M NOT THAT SINGLE-MINDED AND COMPLICATED LIKE HIM!!! I CAN UNDERSTAND THINGS PERFECTLY!"
                          
This is the first time I have ever seen him get mad or yell. A tear, from my right eye, slowly slides my cheek to my chin. He sees my tears and can't yell back anymore. He chokes on his words, his mouth opens but no sound comes out. 
                          
Tae. Why? I can't take this. This is too much for me. You're yelling is scarier than Hoseok's. I'm so scared right now. What do I do? Hobi, I Need U. I need you right now.
                          
I decided I can't take it anymore and I yell back at him. "WELL THEN!!" I make Tae Jump a little. I startle him because I never yelled at anyone when I was mad. I'm too mad to feel guilty. "Haha!! HOSEOK IS SINGLE-MINDED AND COMPLICATED?! THEN WHAT ABOUT YOU HUH!?!WHAT ABOUT YOU?! YOU KNOW NOTHING KIM TAEHYUNG! ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF! YOU DON'T CONSIDER HOW I FEEL! YOU MAY FEEL SORRY AND SAY YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOURSELF BUT YOU CAN!! YOU CAN CONTROL YOURSELF JUST FINE! YOU'RE JUST MAKING STUPID ASS EXCUSES! YOU CHOOSE NOT TO CONTROL YOURSELF! YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU AREN'T AS SINGLE-MINDED AS HOSEOK, BUT YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE COMPLICATED! YOU ACT SWEET BUT, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOOVE, YOU BREAK UNDER PRESSURE! YOU'RE JUST A MOUSE IN A MAN'S BODY! A MOUSE OF A MAN! I DON'T WANT TO BE USED BY YOU! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY!?!"
                          
"Why?" His voice quietly squeaks out. He doesn't know what else to say. He's being yelled at by the person he likes because of his stupidity. 
                          
"IT'S BECAUSE I WILL FEEL LIKE I'M BETRAYING HOBI OPPA! I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIS BEST FRIEND RIGHT AFTER THE FACT I DID THAT WITH HIM BUT I DID AND I FEEL DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I SLEPT WITH HOSEOK AND SLEEPING WITH YOU JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT TO ME! I SHOULD CALL MYSELF A SLUT!!"