fifty nine

                                    

                                          
I couldn't help it. I exploded. 
                          
"So what?!" I said, my voice at a borderline yell. "I never got to do any of those things with you, but I got along just fine!" Patrick flinched, and looked down at his lap. "Patrick, I thought that what we had was special." I lowered my voice. Patrick opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. 
                          
"No. Patrick, I was saving up money to visit you. I didn't tell you cause I wanted to surprise you, but just as I had nearly enough money, you broke up with me." Embarrassingly, tears rose to my eyes. I looked down at my lap, rubbing at my eyes furiously. 
                          
"Pete..." Patrick said quietly. "I am sorry. I was scared. I regret it everyday." I looked up at Patrick, about to angrily retort something, but he continued. "But one thing has stayed the same. I still care for you, and that means I want the best for you. I want to move on from you, and this is the closure that I think that we both need." 
                          
"Patrick, I loved you," I whispered, my voice cracking. Patrick nodded slowly. I didn't even realize that I had used past tense. 
                          
"I loved you too, Pete. But we need to move on. I-" Patrick let out a small chuckle. "I miss you, please believe me. I regret doing what I did." 
                          
"Then why did you do it?" I asked. 
                          
"Because we had been dating for two years, and I still had never kissed you. People stopped believing that I was actually dating anyone. We were getting more serious than I expected. I panicked." Patrick said, his voice calm. 
                          
"Why didn't you come to me?" My voice trembled. Patrick shrugged, a fleeting look of pity on his face. 
                          
"I panicked." Patrick sat closer to the computer, looking into my eyes. "Pete, I need to move on. I need this closure. I need you to know my reasons for what I did. I need you to know that I am sorry." Patrick stressed the last word.