I've actually had this one saved in my drafts since early 2016 sooo.... here it is bc i reread what I already had written n for once I actually thought it was too good to let die! also my writing got super deep in the chapters I already wrote and i was like,,,, wtf was I on to reach this level of philosophy godDAMN. however, as with most of my new stories, I know fuck-all about what I want to do w/ it so bear with me while I sort everything out lmao
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i'm growing tired. my brain, my soul, my heart; they all ache with envy. my peers never fail to enter class boasting about how they now see Color. it's a tradition of sorts, since it's such a significant event in our lives. all of them have done it except for me. i still live in a world of black and grays and whites with no other Colors to be found. i'm not desperate to fall in love. i'm desperate to someday be able to see the true Colors of my clothing, see what "red", "blue", "green", "yellow", "purple", and "orange" look like. i want to know how each varying shade of each Color makes me feel. i want to see nature for what it really is. i want to stand beneath a rainbow and not see the same three Colors every time. i want to travel the world and see everything and every hue it has to offer. i'm tired of hearing stories of how wonderful people look in Color. i want to know for myself how beautiful humans are without their facade of black and white.
falling in love is just a bonus experience, i suppose. sometimes i wonder if i even have love to give. i spend nights alone scaring myself numb with the mere thought of dying without having seen anyone's colorful faces, or never seeing my parents truly smile without worrying whether or not their son will ever see them the way they see him. i wish the love i needed could be any love. i love my family, but the half-baked rule is that it must be the romantic sort of love.
