Chapter 9: Past is Prologue (Part 1)

                                    

                                          
Three weeks Later....
How do you feel when the person had sacrificed themselves for a life? How would you feel if they took a bullet for you trying to save the ones they care about? Well, to everyone, they might feel the number one feeling:
Guilt.
Maybe some people don't feel that way. They express it in so many ways you can imagine or just don't understand why it happens. But the truth is, I felt all emotions. It was like they were all pulling me in different directions and fighting for my attention. Yet, I held those emotions ever since Jamal was in the hospital. I stayed by his bedside, holding his hand and silently letting him know that he was not alone with this. The doctor told me and the Lyon family that he was going to be alright, but when he wakes up, he was going to be in a wheelchair for awhile. My stomach dropped at that news. My poor best friend had to go through it all, and he didn't deserve this torture. Ever since that day, I had came and visited him twice a week to just see him.
After that whole situation, I put my whole singing career on hold (even though Cookie and the others were disappointed and had to keep me from going into the deep end of depression) and to make matters worse, I had stopped showing up to Empire after what happened. Becky and the others had tried to constantly call me a lot of times, but I ignored them. I had so much internal conflict within myself that I was traumatized, and I didn't want to be dealing with anymore Empire drama. 
On second thought, I didn't want any drama at all. Everybody was talking about Jamal's condition whether on the news or work, and I stayed about home by myself not wanting to hear any word about him. I honestly felt ashamed when he caught that bullet, and just thinking about it made my whole world stop in motion.
Then, I got a message from Cookie, Rhonda, and Hakeem that Jamal was coming home and they were having a welcome back party for him.
I honestly felt happy and relieved that he was doing okay and coming home, but I still felt depressed. They knew I was having a hard time with my situation with Jamal, especially Becky and Cookie, but I knew they were secretly trying to figure out how to get me out the house and make me feel better. If I did accept the invite, what would I do, you ask? 
Well, first, kick Jamal's ass for doing something stupid and reckless. Trust me, I am the second-best Goddess for kicking ass other than Cookie. That's how we get along, because we kept the Lyon men grounded on their thrones.
I was at my house, mainly cleaning up when I heard a knock at the door. I looked at the door cautiously, and went to check who was there.
"Who is it?"
"Girl, open this damn door! We need to talk!"
Cookie. Like always.
I opened the door, feeling emotionless.
"Cookie, I really don't feel like talking okay? I'm not---"
"Don't you give me that smack talk. It's been three weeks and you been in this hell hole since Jamal was in the hospital." Cookie rudely came in the house and turned to me. 
"Cookie," I said annoyed, "I know you and the others are worried, but I'm fine. Besides, I don't think it's a great idea to come back to Empire, right now. Or ever..." I mumbled the last part. 
"Ne'veah, listen to me, it's not your fault. Okay? Jamal took the bullet and that was his choice. You didn't expect that, honey!" Cookie explained, trying to make me see it.
"Yeah, I didn't expect anything, and that's what bothered me, Cookie!" I said angrily, "You didn't see him take that bullet at close range! I did! I could've did something, but I was a coward to not interfere! My own best friend....my ex-lover---just laying there fighting for his life! No matter what, it replays in my mind and I go crazy....." I trailed off, leaning on my door. Cookie didn't say anything but letting me continue.