Life is Complicated but Beautiful

                                    

                                          

I wasn't asleep for long, an hour maybe two. The unfamiliar feeling of peace escaped me and shifted into an air of unease. It was small but it put me on edge. At first, I wasn't sure what my unease was even about and then I realized, it was Cain.
He was very knowledgeable in the whole marking process; more so than I thought he would have been. This realization dragged me into my own mind where I felt reminded that Cain was looking for a mate before I had come. Cain was also a different person then, or so I thought. I had only been here maybe a week and although we had made much progress you can't change a person overnight. My mother would argue that mates change everything, but I found it hard to believe that old habits can die that hard. 
I looked at our hands, mine lying on top of his open palm. My fingers were so lightly entwined with his that it wouldn't be difficult to separate our hands. It felt like a metaphor of sorts. As easy as our hands would be to break apart our bond... I knew I had no desire to separate our hands, so I instead spent my time restlessly thinking while staring at Cain. 
He was a very quiet sleeper, and at the same time delicate. He looked like a work of art, as ridiculous as that sounds, and I could easily imagine him on the cover of a magazine for a cologne advertisement. He was truly handsome. He was clothes in pants and shirt but the number of scars that remained visible was outstanding. The tales of past battles were written across his skin, some large, some small, all heart breaking.
There was the inch long gash above his elbow, the small bullet wound on his left triceps likely from hunters, a larger four-inch gash on the forearm of the hand I was touching, and a small gash hiding partially behind his right eyebrow. His eyebrow moved and below it his eyes were now open, locking me in place with an intense stare. 
"Why aren't you sleeping?" Cain didn't move an in and I briefly wondered if he was aware of our interlocked fingers. I spoke too soon. His eyes drifted to our hands and stared for a short amount of time. I began to pull my hand away, but he just kept it locked in his, I tried to relax. 
"I just woke up a bit ago, I got restless."
"What has you restless, are you in pain?" 
"Not particularly, my neck is a bit sore but it's truly not that bad." Cain lifted himself onto his side looking down at me, his upper torso resting on his forearm. His muscles flexed against the thin fabric of his t-shirt, and I tried my hardest not to stare for long. 
"What is it then?" I felt nervous, I felt like lying but knew he would be able to tell immediately. We were bonded. 
"I felt curious... as to how you knew so much about marking. You seemed like you had been through it before... or at least looked into it. I don't quite believe you did all that for me..."
Cain looked uncomfortable. His eyes left my form and looked instead at the wall behind me. I wanted to turn and look at the wall as well. To see what he was seeing, to understand what he was thinking, but I knew there would be nothing for my eyes to see there. 
"I was going to mark another female before you." Cain refused to look at me as he spoke and I could sense discomfort from Cain's part of the bond but not complete regret. He didn't regret almost marking another female. "You've actually met her, Amber." My heart ached terribly. I pulled my fingers from Cain's hand and he let me. His eyes finally looked at me once again.
"Did you not mark her because she met Adam?" Cain nodded. "What was your relationship like?"
"Are you insecure, mate?" Cain tried to sound playful and hoped that I would take his bait but I wouldn't lie. 
"Yes." Cain's playful glint faded slowly and he was suddenly serious and no longer looking at me.
"We were close friends. We both went to the same high school and fell into the same friend group and she was often... promiscuous. We were just friends for a long time and would often share tales of our 'conquests'. It was after I believed you had died that I started to use more and more females. Amber got me to stop, she reminded me that I was to be alpha one day and it wouldn't look good if I slept with every pack member's mate." He chuckled lightly but I didn't find much comfort in it.