I just realized, to my utter dismay, that my title is no longer relevant. When I first started this series all outgoing messages in the email started out this way. Now Wattpad has revamped outgoing messages to say a variety of things such as "Psycho wants you to know...", "Psycho sent the following message...", "Psycho just posted...", and so on.
Well played Wattpad, well played.
I see now. Got yourself and all your little employees in the snack room one day and you guys were bored and someone says, "Hey, I know, lets f**K with that AlvarezChronicles guy". So everybody puts down their little Americano coffees and stops eating their waffles smothered in ungodly amounts of real Canadian maple syrup and stares out the window for a several hours. Finally, after watching it snow until you go almost blind, someone figures it out. Mess with his "message to all followers" series. Change the outgoing message. Very clever. Very clever indeed. And if I were a lesser man it would have worked. But I am not a lesser man. I am a morer man. Hmm...more of man? Morest of man? Morish of a man? More manish? Ah who cares? I win, you lose. Suck on that Wattpad.
Here is the a few of recent messages I have found in my email from some of you psychos:
1. "What is it with guys with big boobs?"
Yeah, I'm really hoping you meant "guys and big boobs". Cause, you know, otherwise I can't help you with this one.
2. I have writer's black.
I don't know what that is. Do you pass out when you write? Do you bruise easily? Get dark circles under you eyes? What?
3. "Let me know if you want me to write another chapter!"
...
4. "I miss the old days when rap was king."
Rap was never king. Rap never made it to the castle. Didn't even get an invite. Sorry.
5. "I think I just had an ipiffani!"
Epiphany? Did you have an epiphany? A panini? Did you eat a panini? No? A tympani? Did you play a tympani? What dammit what!?
6. "Is it true that size doesn't matter?"
Well, it costs publishing companies more the more pages they have to pay for. So you might get a better cut from a small book than if you turn in a thousand pages. So if I were you I would...try...wait...you're the big boobs guy aren't you?
7. I feel nauseous every time I finish a book.
Chew slower and take smaller bites. Or better, yet, don't eat those things.
8. I just found out I have agalmatophilia!
Jerk. You knew I would go look it up. Stay away from department store windows!
9. I am about to reach 10 million reads!
Wow, you read a lot. You must be real smart. Go away.
10. Nobody votes for my story!
(I checked his profile, it had no stories). That's cause it's a draft. Press publish. Publish. Publish. P-u-b-l-i-sh. Publish. Do it now.
That's enough for today. If I offend anybody I'm sorry. Send me your address. I am ordering t-shirts with my own emblem that reads "There's no crying on Wattpad!". There really isn't. I read it on Wattpad so it must be true! (https://www.wattpad.com/118136687-chasing-wattpad-there's-no-crying-on-wattpad). I'll send you a free shirt. I'll even order some onesies for all you big babies out there.
For those of you that are not big babies go follow these authors...
It's free and you just might learn something about writing. I'm serious. Go follow them. There might be quiz later.
Have a great writing day. That's free too.
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Chasing Wattpad
Non-FictionIs Wattpad a good or bad thing? Are the people on here writers or do they just think they are? Whatever your answer to those questions there are a lot of mysteries surrounding Wattpad and the people that choose to write here. Every day thousands of...
