Chapter 23

                                    

                                          
Alex's PoV
                          
"Alexandra Ray Tomlinson Malik Payne Horan Styles!" Addison squeals. She jumps onto the end of the bed and embraces me. "You scared me! I didn't hear a word from you for four days. You know how scared I was? I was terrified, and it sucks to know my suspicions were close to being correct!" 
                          
Is my name really that long? Geez. I stare at my lap. I keep trying to get the previous events off my mind. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel weak and powerless. As time has gone on and things have sunk in, I've kind of stopped talking. I didn't do it purpose, but I just don't feel the need to. It has become something that seems annoying and useless. Emotions are even dumb. I just don't feel like doing anything besides sitting here in the hospital bed. 
                          
"Alex? Please talk to me," she sighs when I don't answer. I avoid all eye contact with her. Addison sits in a chair next to my bed. She rests her elbows on her knees which are supporting her head. "You can't keep quiet forever," Addison says in a soft voice. 
                          
I roll over on my side and avoid her gaze. "I'm getting Liam or Niall or one of them," Addison announces. She slams the door to add dramatic affect. I roll my eyes. She's such a drama queen, but I am too so it's okay. I like her better that way. I can hear Addison raising her voice out the door. She's bold. I'll give her that.
                          
"...and she won't talk or look at me!" I hear Addison scream. 
                          
There's a quieter voice that is muffled, but it's a soft voice. I sigh knowing someone will be in here within minutes. I curl into a ball. My chest and head hurts from replaying the memories and feeling those horrible feelings.
                          
The door slowly swings open and closes quickly yet quietly. "Alex?" Liam asks in a small whisper. I keep my eyes locked with the white wall across from me. "Are you okay?" He sits on the edge of my hospital bed. I ignore Liam. 
                          
Liam sighs. "They said you could be discharged today so I have some clothes for you," Liam sets the clothes on the bed. I mentally sigh. He isn't going away any time soon. "You know what I don't understand? Why you stop talking. Wouldn't you want to talk things out?" I turn over and look over at Liam who has this confused look on his face. 
                          
I roll my eyes and turn back over. "You wouldn't understand," I mumble into the pillow. 
                          
"I could try. Please, talk to me, Alex," Liam begs. 
                          
I feel warm tears rush down my cheeks. 
                          
"Please?" Liam softly begs. 
                          
"It's just easier!" I wail, breaking out into hysteric sobs. I sit up. Liam opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "I just ignore the world and blend in because it sucks to stick out.  To be the girl who watched the best mom in the world die. To be the girl who had to watch her dad turn into an alcoholic and become abusive. To be the girl that has bruises on her body that she tries to hide at school so her teachers don't find out and her dad gets mad and tries to kill her for other people knowing. To be the girl that gets made fun of for being fat then made fun of for being anorexic. To be the girl that watches her dad die before her eyes then get shot. To be the girl that loses the one person important to her because she stopped talking. To be the girl who spent three whole years saying not a word in front of any one. 
                          
The sad part is, that's exactly who I am. That's a lot for a fifteen year old to go through. So, I just shut my mouth and suck it up. It's a lot easier than being a cry baby who is pitied. I used to be so energetic and crazy and happy, but the say my mom died, that part of me died as well. Maybe it's still out there, but that's a lot of digging to go through to find it. And honestly, I'm not sure it's worth it. I mean, I'd love to be that again, but so many things has happened to me that just makes me want to just give up. I love my mom, my brother, my dad and my happiness. I am still happy when I'm with you guys, but it's just not the same. Nothing will bet be the same.