Emotionsssssssssssssssssssssssss

                                    

                                          
Heyyyyy
                          
This week has been an emotional roller coaster. Trigger warning here. Be safe. Sorry. 
                          
So. Uhh. Yeah. 
                          
I relapsed again on Wednesday night. And I've been feeling that really awful sad feeling in my chest. And I've been almost throwing up a lot. And I've been binge eating and skipping meals and screwing up all of my schedules. Also my sleeping schedule is really weird. My emotional state has been not good. I've been shaking from anxiety more often than usual. I've been more sad. I've been crying more. I'm scared because someone I know was beaten up for using the bathroom of their gender at school and they couldn't identify who did it. My other friends or myself could be beaten up too by transphobic people at school. I've been manipulating my family into thinking I'm totally okay and I'm okay with them calling me my birth name and misgendering me and that I'm not annoyed when I spend time with them like that. I've also slipped up and my dad gets annoyed at my attempts at keeping mentally safe by avoiding social interaction when it seems okay to. I also have been getting triggered more easily for panic attacks in last few days and that's not fun. I'm waiting for my friend to reply because I just texted her but I was pretty much ignoring her for two days because I've been an emotional mess and she asked me to be her date to a dance and I really want to go but my anxiety has been making my mouth stop functioning when I want to ask my parents to let me go. The dance theme is Masquergayed and its for LGBTQ as a safe dance for us but I'm telling my parents it's just a masquerade themed school dance. I'm going to sneak my tuxedo to her house and change out of a dress into it before we go then we'll have a sleepover. So that's some extra stress but I hope it goes well. I hope she texts back soon. I'm scared and anxious and I don't want to be clingy and rely on her but she's amazing and sweet and funny and agh I'm a mess. I keep overanalyzing everything. 
                          
On the plus side, Gerard Way is releasing more comic books in a few months. 
                          
Love you <3