Chapter 1

                                    

                                          
14 years ago...
                          
Mariska had woken up in Chris's arms. "Good morning," he said to her, as if everything was perfectly fine.
                          
"Good morning," she said to him. "Last night..."
                          
"Yeah, I know. It was just a one time thing, nothing serious."
                          
"I'm sorry."
                          
"Rish, don't be sorry for anything. It's all good. We both just needed to feel something. After all, it wasn't that bad," he said with a smirk. Mariska just laughed. 
                          
"I guess you're right." 
                          
"What do you say we get up and go out?"
                          
"Where, Chris? We have to be on set in an hour."
                          
"I didn't realize it was this late," he said to her. They both got out of bed and got dressed within 5 minutes. They quickly left and acted like nothing had happened the night before.
                          
~~~
                          
A few weeks later...
                          
"You okay, Rish?" Chris asked her as he seen her throwing up.
                          
"I'm good. It's just that smell..." Mariska said to him as she about gagged once more. 
                          
"What? Pizza?" 
                          
"I don't know. I guess," Mariska replied to him and they went on with their day.
                          
~~~
                          
Later that night...
                          
Mariska stopped by the store to pick up a pregnancy test. 'What have I gotten myself into? I can't be pregnant,' she thought to herself as she picked a test up from the rack. 
                          
After purchasing the test, she drove home to her beautiful, huge house. She was perfectly able to raise a child, she just wasn't ready to raise a child, is all. 
                          
She walked inside and went straight to the restroom. She peed on the stick and set it on the counter top and walked out. 
                          
She waited the two minutes of what seemed like forever. The longest two minutes of her life. I guess, time takes forever when you want something to be over. 
                          
She went back into the bathroom and looked down at the test...
                          
( )
                          
She immediately began crying. What was she going to do? She was going to have the child, she had to. She was going to make sure this baby was as healthy as can be.
                          
~~~
                          
5 months later...
                          
"Would you like to hear the heartbeat or know the gender of your baby, Miss Hargitay?" her OB/GYN asked her with a huge smile on her face.
                          
"Uh...no. No, thank you," Mariska said as she sat up and pulled her shirt back down. Her bump was showing...it was noticeable, but she was able to cover it up with big shirts.
                          
"Alright. Well, have a nice day. You're free to go." 
                          
"Thank you," Mariska said as she walked out of the building. 
                          
She got home, and just...cried. She was so scared. She hadn't told Chris about her pregnancy. As a matter of fact, she hadn't even spoken to Chris in 5 months...when they were on set. 
                          
After she got home that night and saw the pregnancy test read positive, she texted Neal and asked him for time off, that she would be back in about a year. He understood, after all, they had just finished the season 1 finale of SVU.
                          
She finally got through crying, but decided on not telling Chris what happened. She had gotten texts from him, but never responded.
                          
~~~ 
                          
A few months later...
                          
Mariska was in labor on the hospital bed. After being close enough dilated, "Push! Push!" was all she could hear all around her.
                          
After a while of pushing, she finally pushed out a beautiful, 6 pound 13 oz, baby girl. "Would you like to hold her?" one of the nurses asked her.
                          
"No. No. I put her up for adoption," Mariska said and the nurse nodded her head and walked out with the baby.
                          
~~~
                          
A few days later, the day she was being dismissed from the hospital. She was notified that someone had put in papers and were going to adopt her baby. Mariska was happy, but didn't want to speak to the family. She trusted the fact they were good people. 
                          
When she got home that day, she just thought about how much of a better life that her child would have with that family. With Mariska, she would never be home and the little girl would always have a baby-sitter. She knew that her baby girl deserved more than that. 
                          
After that first day at home, Neal texted her and asked her if she was ready for season 2. She replied back and told him that she was and that she was so excited to see all of them again. That was truly how she felt, she was ready to see everyone again.
                          
Especially...Chris. She hadn't spoken to him in so long and she felt so bad about it, but she knew that they would both just be happy to see each other again... for the first time in almost ten months. 
                          
She knew running away from the problem wasn't going to make it any better. Now, she was going to have to lie to Chris. She'd known him for so long and she felt so bad for having to lie to him. 
                          
Hopefully, one day she would be able to tell him that they had a daughter together, but she knew nothing of what she looked like because she put her up for adoption. 
                          
She just hoped he would understand why she did what she did. Call it a 'motherly instinct', but Mariska knew that she didn't want her child growing up without ever seeing her mother and father.
                          
~~~
                          
The next day at set, everyone was so excited to see that Mariska was back. They hadn't seen her in almost a year. 
                          
They just figured she needed a break and maybe something was wrong, but no one brought it up. She got to Chris. 
                          
They stood there just...looking at each other. Then, Mariska broke down. A tear streamed down her face. "Chris, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to leave you, I swear! I had to think about some things and I feel so bad for what I did!" she expressed her feelings to him, knowing that she could tell him everything. 
                          
"Rish, it's okay. I get it. I do. I don't hate you, I missed you and it hurt not talking to you, but it's okay now. You're back." 
                          
"Chris, I wanted to talk to you, but I was scared."
                          
"Everyone gets scared sometimes. There's no need to feel bad for anything. God, Rish! I'm just glad you're back. I wasn't about to film season 2 without you," he said to her and they both smiled. They hugged. For the first time in 10 months. 
                          
He was so happy, so was she, but how on Earth was she going to tell him about their daughter? He had a right to know...didn't he?
                          
A/N~ here's a new book !! what do you think ? i'd love to know, so comment, please ! i love you all, my beautiful readers😋