This Sucks

                                    

                                          
AMBER'S POV
                          
How do you tell the guy you just started dating that the reason you’re wriggling in pain is because you have to go number two?  The look on Tim’s face was priceless.  The more I held it in, the more fireworks popped, crackled, snapped, and it shot pain through my belly and down my legs.  Fighting the pain, wiping away the waterfall of sweat off my forehead, I made a duck face, awkwardly puckering my lips awaiting another kiss.
                          
“Gawd Amber, I can taste it,” Tim said.
                          
Tears of disgust started to accumulate at the base of Tim’s eyelids.  Feeling like an ugly statue, I stood frozen, waiting for the hammer to drop.  Embarrassment was an understatement.  My bodily functions had a mind of their own; there was no taming the horror, no capturing the foul odor, fresh air seemed like a fairy tale or a sad distant memory.
                          
Fire burned in the back of my throat. I wanted to cry, but the more I tried to hold back, the harder the tears fell.  Throw a brick at my face and break my nose, but I would’ve preferred that to this god awful stench.  Defending the status as Tim’s girlfriend for no more than sixty minutes, I wouldn’t have been surprised at all if I just got ditched.
                          
“Can we talk somewhere else?” Tim asked, mildly choking on every other word.
                          
Afraid I would vomit; I didn’t speak, I nodded and followed Tim as if he were some sort of GPS.  To my dismay, he was like the typical navigational system; he didn’t know where he was going.  I chuckled to myself, waiting for him to say, “Recalculating.”
                          
I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.  How does a girl recover from this kind of situation? As if Tim read my thoughts, his face became redder than a fire truck, an artery protruded out, scarily bulging out of his head, grunting and grinding his teeth, he pressed.  Naturally, I thought he was having a heart attack or a stroke.
                          
“Tim, are you alright?” I asked.
                          
Perhaps he needed blood.  I paled at the thought of becoming a beverage.  A soft whisper followed a few claps.  I looked at Tim, his color had returned. His smile was so sweet an innocent but he was far from that.
                          
“Did you just-.”
                          
“Yes. Yes, I did.”
                          
“But why?’’
                          
“I wanted to help break the barrier,” Tim explained.
                          
“Excuse me?”
                          
“You practically s**t yourself so to help you feel more comfortable, I farted too.”
                          
“That’s oddly disturbing and yet, it’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
                          
We gazed into each other’s eyes, lust, onions, and traces of death and skunk lingered in the air.  I couldn’t hold back anymore.
                          
“Will you wait for me?”
                          
“Centuries or for as long as I live,” Tim said hotly.
                          
“I’m not going to be that long.  I’ll be in the bathroom for like, five minutes, tops.”
                          
Ignoring the apparent disgust on my boyfriend’s face, I ran to the nearest bathroom.  We strolled through a park with facilities.  As I opened the door, a wave of heat hit my face; the smell of urine was strong.  There were three bathroom stalls. I ran to the first stall, opened the door, and gagged.  I wasn’t sure if this was a murder scene.
                          
It looked like someone bled to death, peed, and missed altogether.  There were balls of toilet paper scrunched up everywhere.  Holding my stomach in agony, I looked into the next stall.  If I didn’t know any better, I would say a boiling pot of chili was staring me down.  Even more revolted, I walked to the next stall.  Wondering what’s behind door number three, there was a piece of construction paper taped to the front.