Chapter 21

                                    

                                          
        
                          
Four is lying beside me, sleeping on his stomach. From this position I have a nice view of the huge tattoo spread over his back. It looks like shards of glass and sword blades pointing out in every direction. Down his spine is a series of black and white pictures. I've seen them before. In the military they represent status symbols and you can only get them by completing extremely difficult special assignments. Knowing someone with just one of these marks is rare. I happen to know there are only five, and he has them all. The first one represents bravery. The next selflessness. Then intelligence, honesty and kindness. Damn, he is the whole package.
                          
At the base of his neck is a solid black circle. It looks out of place among the other intricate designs. I touch it gently with my fingertips and confirm my suspicions. It is covering up a sixth symbol. The texture of the scar tissue is a dead giveaway. The damaged skin swirls in a spiral with a perfect circle in the center. Tear droplets drip down the spiral design and collect on a pool at the bottom of the covered up mark. It's not easy to see, but even the slightest touch helps me identify the mark.
                          
The black spiral is not the only scar being hidden by his tattoo. Each blade of black ink is deliberately placed to hide a deep scar. Some are longer than others, stretching out only a few inches, while others are long and wrap around the tops of his shoulders and to the front of his torso.
                          
From almost any distance away, you wouldn't be able to see the scars under the black ink, but being curled around him this intimately it's impossible not to. I remember what he told me about being tossed through a window when he was five. Are these scars he is hiding the permanent reminders of that day? 
                          
My fingers trace each line, each edge of his tattoo. I wish I could somehow take the scars away. His skin is so warm under my touch. I pull myself in closer to feel him along the whole length of my body. I know he'll be waking soon, and it scares me. 
                          
I wanted this as much as he did last night, but now I fear our time together will come to an end. Peter never spoke to me after the night I gave him my virginity. Unless you count the twenty second phone call when he broke up with me. Four has become a good friend, but I am petrified he will be done with me now to. Being only my second time, I know I'm not good at it. I was nervous and lacked confidence. Never sure exactly what I should or should not do. There is no way he didn't pick up on it. Peter told me I was horrible in bed. That was the reason he gave for ending our relationship. 
                          
I picture in my head, Four waking, jumping out of bed and dressing as quickly as possible. I'm positive he'll regret the whole thing and tell me it only happened because he was feeling so alone after Carlos passed. I've seen this movie before, and it didn't end happily.
                          
I thought last night, I'd be ok with this. To tell the truth, I don't think anything would have changed my mind last night. He had me truly believing that I was beautiful and I've never felt that wanted. Though I was nervous, it really was amazing. After my experience with Peter, I didn't think sex would ever be enjoyable for me. I don't believe that anymore.
                          
He groans lightly as he turns under the covers. Now he's facing me and my heart aches. His jawline is perfect, his eyes are like deep pool of water and don't even get me started on those lips. I could kiss him for hours and still want more.
                          
I place my hand gently on his cheek, just to feel my hand against his skin again. His eyes flutter open, staring into mine. "Good morning beautiful."
                          
I blush, not expecting a compliment. "Hi. Did you sleep ok?"
                          
He smiles slightly. "Yeah, surprisingly I did."
                          
Surprisingly? That's not good.
                          
"I don't usually sleep soundly unless I'm in my own bed. I must have been really tired."