Chapter 31

                                    

                                          
*Martin*
What was I ever thinking when I believed in what Celeste said? "Go talk to him, you've got nothing to lose." Nothing to lose? Well... I lost his friendship, his affection, his everything... him.
                          
I found a bench on the way. That was the perfect place to sit and do nothing, to let myself go, to let my thoughts run through my head, whether they try to kill me on the inside or not. Where I could vent my sorrow without anyone's pity. I thought I was completely alone. But no... It was him again. He was walking to me, calling my name. I pretended not to see him and turned around. He got closer and sat next to me.
                          
-May I ask what happened?
-Nothing, Dillon. I don't want to talk. I... I don't know... I don't even know why I'm crying... Leave me alone.
-Could it be... You're jealous?
I turned around surprised for his words. I didn't answer.
-Yeah. That is it. You're jealous!
-Shut up!
-Am I right? -he asked a little angrier.
-NO!
-Yes you are!! You're jealous! I knew you would be like this because you hate him, and it would make you angry if I got back with him!!
-And that's why you did it? To make me jealous? That's why you're back with Anton?!
-What did you want me to do after you threw my feelings to the trash?!
                          
WHAT?!?!
                          
-So you did it on purpose!!
-You're gonna tell me you didn't try to show off you had a new girlfriend after I TOLD YOU MY FEELINGS!! HOW DID YOU THINK I WOULD FEEL?!
-How do you think I would feel by doing what you've done just now?! How do you think Anton would feel when he finds out that you're only using him to make me feel like this?!
-Just like you used Lynn to make me feel like that as well? Bravo Martijn, bravo!!
-ARE YOU INSANE?! I appreciate what I have for what it is!! I'M NOT LIKE YOU, WHO NEEDS SOMEONE TO SATISFY A FEELING OF LONELINESS!!
We both stayed quiet.
                          
-How do you think Anton would feel when he discovers about this? Did you even think of the fact that HE LOVES YOU?! You would SHATTER him! You would KILL him! And you only see him as a tool? To make me jealous?
-I don't want to keep fighting.
-Then leave. And don't come back.
He did. As I was about to leave he took my hand.
-No! Stop!! Aren't you done with hurting people already? -I said at the border of my tears. 
-Martin, no...
-Aren't you tired... of being the RAT YOU ARE?! OF BEING SUCH A PIECE OF CRAP!!! YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK YOU, DILLON FRANCIS!! GO AWAY!! LEAVE ME ALONE AND DON'T EVER BOTHER TO TALK TO ME AGAIN!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT!! FUCK YOU!!
                          
To make things worse, he turned out to be someone I didn't even know. I walked away, not looking back, convinced of the idea that I should forget about him. But a part of me would miss him. It was like... all this time I've been fooled... I never thought the one that would love me the most... would be the one to hurt me the most... I came back home, not minding that we had a visit. I locked in my room again. I got a text from him. It read "sorry". This time, the pain multiplied to certain point I wouldn't control myself... And threw my phone to the bureau.
                          
Again, I was so broken. I couldn't stop crying and shouting. Throwing things, breaking them... The whole room could be destroyed... but never as much as I was...