fuck it

                                    

                                          
I was attacked by hugs from stiles. 
                          
"I missed you so much." he whispered lifting me up and swirling me around. Allison quickly walked out of my room then I heard another manly voice. Oh hell to the motherfucking no.
                          
"Me too!" I exclaimed still in stiles' grip. This was the first time since I've smiled since 2 months. "I missed you so fre-" 
                          
"Lydia," I was interrupted by another voice. Stiles loosened his grip and placed me on the ground.
                          
"Get out." I spat angrily. I knew it was scott.  The memory of 'that day' instantly popped into my head.
                          
"Just listen to me please" he begged.
                          
"Get out!" I repeated myself raising my voice. I didn't have time for excuses. 
                          
"Lydia, he wanted to kill stiles!" scott yelled over me making me freeze.
                          
kill stiles
                          
Those words replayed in my head making me want to scream.
                          
"what?" I whispered faintly, collapsing onto the ground. I fell pretty hard but I ignored the pain. 
                          
If he died, I would never pick myself up. I could never be happy again. I'd probably kill myself. 
                          
This boy has so much meaning to me and my life. He is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me.
                          
I wouldn't be able to live knowing my love is gone. My love, my bestfriend, my anchor.  
                          
If I lost him, I would lose myself. 
                          
He never deserves to suffer or most importantly die. 
                          
Even though he's not mine, I still think of his as if he is and I always will. He always makes me happy. 
                          
"what do you mean kill stiles?" I broke the silence, with fear filling my voice as I stayed still in utter shock. It's been a few minutes since anyone spoke. 
                          
"he was going crazy ok? he came in looking like a psycho-" scott explained using his arms, "when he came here, he ran up to Stiles and jumped on him before I pulled him off. I couldn't let my bestfriend die! I'm so sorry! I truly am, I loved liam like a little brother but I could never bare loosing stiles." he finished giving out quiet sobs.
                          
I didn't answer but I got up and ran into Scott's arms hugging him tightly then crying probably the last set of tears I had uncontrollably. 
                          
***
                          
It was now 21:16 and the only person left was Stiles. I told him to go but he refused the whole time and stayed to comfort me.
                          
"Stiles seriously, you can go."I said about the millionth time.
                          
"Nope! Lyds, I told you I'm staying." he answered back looking at the TV. We were watching Star Wars. FUN (note of sarcasm)
                          
I really enjoyed his company but he looked so exhausted. His golden, caramel eyes were half closed and his mouth was slowly closing too. 
                          
"I'm never leaving you again. I'm sorry Lyds." he spoke. I turned around and walked towards my bed where he was laying. 
                          
"It's fine Stiles. Don't worry about it," I spoke sitting beside him but something concerned me, "isn't Malia gonna wonder where you are?" I shrugged with annoyance in my voice. He chuckled. Ok...
                          
"we broke up." he said sadly. I hate to admit it kind of made me happy that they broke up, I mean it is sad but come on, stiles is single.
                          
"I'm sorry to hear that.." I said turning my face so he won't see the smile that's about to crack on my face. 
                          
"It's ok, it was hard but it's ok."
                          
COME ON LYDIA. NOW OR NEVER.
                          
"I like you." I interrupted him quietly making it hard to hear. 
                          
"wha-"
                          
"I like you." I repeated myself louder now.
                          
He was taken aback and shook is head in disbelief. 
                          
"You know what? Screw that. I love you," those words just flew out of my mouth. It felt so right.
                          
"Lydia.."
                          
"No stiles. There's no 'Lydia..." I mimicked his tone. "I love you ok? I always have. From the first day I met you, I knew we were gonna be best friends and look at us  now.. we are and I don't care if you don't feel this way about me. I finally said what I've been trying to say for 4 years. 4 FREAKING YEARS! Stiles, I never told you because I was scared of rejection. I was terrified. When you got with malia, I couldn't stand seeing you happy with her everyday. Yes, I know, I dated Jackson when you liked me. I know. I fucked up. But no matter when, or where I was with Jackson, it never felt like being with you. I couldn't wait to see you for 45 minutes at lunch everyday, I couldn't wait to see you in History class, I couldn't wait to spend my weekends with you, scott and alli. Stiles, I dated other boys to distract myself from you but it was as if you had me in control. Every time I see you, my knees wobble, my breathing quickens, my heart speeds up. I love you so freaking much and I'm so glad you know now!" I can't believe I just said that! Liam would be so proud. He knew I loved Stiles. 
                          
Silence. 
                          
Complete, impatient, horrible silence. 
                          
We looked eye in eye for a few minutes. Dreadfully awkward silence filled the room. Are you joking me? I finally expressed my bottled up feelings for him but he decides to stand there. He had this thinking face on... Is he going to respond? walk out? cry? laugh? Millions of consequences were going through my mind at this moment but it wasn't until he loosened his muscles.
                          
"Fuck it." he quickly responded breathing out the breath he held in running towards me, cupping my face and kissing me passionately.
                          
His soft, warm lips crashed against me sending butterflies all over my body. I swiftly put both of my hands around his neck while he put his on my waist deepening the kiss. I felt his tongue brush against my bottom lip asking for entrance which I gladly accepted. Our tongues battled for a while but I relaxed mine causing his to explore my mouth. Our mouths moved in sync like a beautiful melody. My hands somehow ended up in his hair pulling it making him groan into the kiss. I was smiling like crazy inside but I didn't want to ruin the moment and pull away. His hands were now placed on my hips moving them towards him. He is 5'9 and I'm 5'3 which means he had to bend down to reach me. I soon fell backwards onto my bed and Stiles was on top of me. Honestly, it was the best kiss I've ever experienced. 
                          
Stiles slowly pulled away smiling, leaving me breathless. 
                          
"Does that mean that you like me too?" I asked scared of the answer.
                          
"No." he said sternly. WHAT?!
                          
"Then what the fuck was tha-"
                          
"I love you Lydia!" he said softly. "I love you."  I couldn't be happier right now. 
                          
I jumped on him making him fall on the bed, leaving loads of kisses on his face. He hugged me close to him and whispered.
                          
"I love you to the moon and further."