Saying Goodbye Part 4

                                    

                                          
"I love you."
                          
The words echoed through the small room. 
                          
Timothy didn't react at first, just watched her lips moving and her eyes filling with fresh tears. It felt like the time stopped, for both of them. Jude was afraid he would reject her, now that he knew how strong her feelings for him were. 
                          
His eyes traveled down her body and finally closed. He rested his forhead against hers but didn't say anything. Jude started to tremble, her biggest fear was him being disgusted about her secret love and it seemed her nightmare became true.
                          
After a couple of seconds which seemed to be minutes for Jude, Timothy smiled but she couldn't see it. He started to kiss her again, softly and without any pressure. 
                          
Timothy grabbed her hand and layed it against his chest. Jude could feel his rapidly beating heart and looked up at him. His smile grew and he kissed her again without saying anything.
                          
Right now it didn't matter because she was finally in his arms, even just for a couple of stolen minutes. 
                          
She was sure he would come back eventually to get her out of this shithole even without loving her like she did love him.
                          
Jude didn't know what she had expected, why would he love her after all this years or ever? Surely he would have gotten her out of Briarcliff already if his feelings were more than just desire and friendship...  
                          
Jude focused on Timothy and his movements again. He was positioning himself against her entrance but didn't move forward.
                          
Of course he would be careful if she wanted to stop before anything happened, after all he knew how it felt to get forced.
                          
Jude tried to bury her disappointment about his lack of love and decided to enjoy every fucking second, to have something to remember forever.
                          
She took his already throbbing cock in her hand and rubbed her clit with the spongy head of his tip. Jude felt his moan vibrating through his chest and Timothy grabbed her hips. It was the first time he was willing to participate in such a forbidden act. It felt entirely different than the first time he still tried to forget.
                          
He pushed forward slightly, just testing how it felt, how she felt surrounding his member.
                          
Feeling him filling her slowly was beyond everything she had ever dreamed of. He streched her soft tissue impossibly slow and Jude moaned as he was finally fully inside of her. 
                          
His lips found hers again and Timothy couldn't resist any longer.
                          
They moved in unision as if they had done it multiple times already. Buried deep inside of Jude, Timothy forgot everything around them.
                          
It was pure heaven and definitely the best experience in his life. Moving in and out of her, Timothy could already feel his release coming closer. He grabbed her hips to get more leaverage and used it to push harder against her.
                          
Jude threw her head back and watched him as Timothy moved against her. It felt incredibly forbidden and sinful but she wasn't a nun anymore after all. Jude could feel him swell inside of her and tried to memories every feel, smell and noise they created together. 
                          
Timothy pushed his hips harder and harder against Jude until he could feel the point of no return. He pressed her hips against his own as his cum filled her. Jude wasn't even close to her release but it didn't matter, not after her longest fantasy became reality. 
                          
It was bitter sweet and so sad. The moment and the act itself was over even before she could realise that it had started. Somehow it was like the reflection of her life. Before she could reach her goal, to grab happiness, it was out of reach again and lost forever. 
                          
Many years she had dreamed and fantasiced about this and now... it was over again. Jude was even more sad and disappointed than before. Now he would leave her, he had said goodbye and had taken her against the surgery table like a whore.
                          
Timothy wasn't satisfied, not with his stamina nor with his inability to share his true feelings with her. He couldn't say 'I'm sorry' again, not after 'making love' with Jude. 
                          
It wasn't how he had imagined sex with Jude. It had felt incredible and has been the best experience of his life but it also felt wrong and still like a betrayal. Not to God or his vows, it felt like he had failed her. It was supposed to be so much more than this. More than just a quick 'fuck'. 
                          
He had let her down again, now more than ever. He had played with her feelings and her love to use her, to have something to remember. 
                          
As his breathing slowed down finally, he stepped back to dress. He couldn't look at Jude, not now. He was ashamed of himself, for his weakness. He just now realised that he was the reason for her to stay here in Briarcliff. He had the power to release her but feared that anyone could blame him for getting a murder out of the madhouse. 
                          
His reputation could suffer, his new job could be at stake. Everything he had worked so hard for to achieve...
                          
"You should get dressed again Jude. I need to bring you back to the common room." 
                          
Judes eyes filled with tears again but not because she was sad, this time it was rage and anger. He had used her, like always and he would do it again if he would ever get the chance to. 
                          
Hopping down the table, Jude started to dress. He wasn't looking at her, just searching his clothes on the floor. This was it, the last time they would see each other. Jude could feel his semen running down her legs, the only thing besides her he would leave behind.
                          
As both were dressed, Timothy walked past Jude towards the door. The silence had become deafening but he was unable to utter even one word. What could he possibly say? What wouldn't be hurtful? 
                          
Both walked in silence back to the common room. Judes body was shaking slightly. She felt humiliated and used. She had been so naive to trust him again even just for a couple of minutes. Her body felt drained and lifeless. Her anger and rage vanished to leave only a shell of a woman she had used to be. She was a whore again, a body to use and throw away.
                          
The walk back felt like eternity. Every step echoed through the long hallways of Briarcliff Manor. It felt like slowmotion, for both of them.
                          
Before Timothy opened the door of the common room, he fought against every fibre of his body to look at Jude one last time. "I love you too. I always have and I always will be loving you Jude." 
                          
He pushed the door open and guided a shocked Jude inside. Her eyes were wide open and her lips slightly parted but no word left her mouth. 
                          
As the door closed behind her, he was gone, forever and Jude realised that she was alone, parted from the man she loved and every happiness. Left behind, abondoned and without any hope.