Masons room

                                    

                                          
Ryan was laughing at some thing Ben said and I laughed too.
                          
Ben turned to me and said" hey, let's head up to Mason's room. "
                          
I laughed and got up, asking him why. he bluntly told me to have sex, and at that moment, that seemed perfectly fine to me.
                          
he led me upstairs and I kept thinking to myself 'this is wrong. what are you doing?'
                          
my thoughts slipped away as I concentrated on not falling and waking the girls up, but I kept giggling as I held Ben's hand.
                          
he sat me on the edge of the bed, we were both oblivious to the toys scattered on the bed. he kissed me hard, slowly leaning me back and slipping his hands under my shirt. I remember saying that I shouldn't be up here and this was wrong, but he'd just kiss me again and I'd forget why it was so wrong.
                          
he sat up and told me to take of my shirt, so I did. I wasn't scared, even as he unclipped my bra, even as he pulled his shirt off and layed me on the bed, stripping me of the rest of my clothes.
                          
I kept kissing him, but I kept saying I shouldn't be doing this and I kept laughing every time I said that. I said once that I had a boyfriend, he told me he'd never know.
                          
when he first slipped a finger inside me, I didn't feel it much. I knew he had cuz he said that I was really really wet.
                          
he leaned over top of me, somehow his pants had disappeared. he asked me if I was ready, I just grinned and kisses him again.he slid a condom on and pushed himself inside me. I made a loud noise I can't quite call a moan. I gripped his bare back as he slowly pushed farther ,saying over and over that it hurt, that it hurt so bad. I didn't ask him to stop tho.
                          
he told me I needed to be quieter and that it'd feel better soon. he told me I could bite his shoulder to keep quiet, so I did. I didn't mean to bite down so hard, but he told me I was going to leave a mark and everyone would see it.
                          
he realized that it was hurting too much so he moved next to me and asked me to give him a blow job, I said no and that it wasn't something i was okay with. 
                          
so he slid down lower on me, and licked me clean.
                          
I remember holding his hair knowing that's what I was supposed to do, but I didn't feel what I new was supposed to feel good. 
                          
when he finished, he told me to get on top, that it might be easier. so I did. when he was in, I couldn't sit up, everything hurt and I'm sure the alcohol was wearing off. 
                          
he kept asking me to sit up, but I couldn't. I didn't realize I was crying until he sat up with me still on top and rubbed my bad Saying it was okay. I kept saying I wasn't supposed to do that, it wasn't supposed to be with him, my boyfriend is gonna find out. I couldn't even feel the tears on my face. He told me no one would know if I didn't tell them. 
                          
he helped me find my clothes cuz I was too dizzy and told me to wait in the room for a bit so he could make sure the girls were still asleep.
                          
I sat there trying to push out the loudest coherent thought I had 'you just gave up your virginity to your beat friends brother... while you were drunk... what happend to saving it'