TWENTY: SELF-PROCLAMATION

                                    

                                          

[twenty]
                          
 
                          
[Gideon]
                          
      It started with an itch, a very small one. You would mistake it for any other ache you could come across in your body but slowly it would grow to more than just that and you start appreciating things that are dead.They just seemed better that way.
                          
      "You'd still approve of me, of this." I was sure she could see the fire raging in my eyes but she ignored me.It was too easy.I almost thought she was lying to me when she said those magic words, just like that.
                          
      I forgive you. Bullshit,maybe.
                          
      "I'm married to you, Gideon, what would you have me think?" she asked,turning away from me. She was still weak and I knew I shouldn't have her discussing this but I needed to know why she didn't hate me.She needed a little push.
                          
      I gave her no warning as I pressed into her back, my voice purposefully low, "If I was nothing to you,would you still look at me." 
                          
      I looked down the length of her body.I could more if she wanted me to.
                          
       Her shoulders were hunched as she struggled to stay up but I couldn't touch her, not yet, if I did I wouldn't get the answer I would have hoped for. Hell, I wouldn't even remember what I was asking in the first place. She just that distracting. But she was weak, just how I wanted her, so I could catch her when she fell. Usually, I would only think of my meals in such a manner but she was not my meal,she was my prize,my long awaited relief from the dogged recesses of my voracious mind.
                          
       She turned to face me, defiance in her expression. "I'm not tethered to some black hole,Gideon.I'm still wearing the ring, I'm still here. What makes you think I wouldn't run if I had the chance?" A flicker of doubt crossed her features and I almost hissed at her suggestion,I'd be damned if I chased her away.
                          
      "Because I do have a chance to walk away. You'd let me go if you knew it would make me happy." she whispered. "But I don't want that. I want to be here. I don't find what you've given me so terrible. You finally gave me something I wasn't expecting.You trust me." She was making perfect sense, the perfect rhetoric for a lunatic, maybe I was one of them. What I gave her was a death wish but it was the only way to prevent her from shutting down.I wasn't supposed do it, I vaguely remember taking an oath to never take such risks.I had no idea at that time that the oath was made to be broken.
                          
      I finally touched her,satisfied with her answer and led her to the bed for some much needed rest. 
                          
      She had lapsed in her recovery as I had expected. It was going to be a rough ride for her. She slept more often than not, sweating profusely and she was quite restless.
                          
      "I saw something." she began. Her fingers tracing the prominent but fading claw marks on my abdomen. Her matching ones were covered up by my shirt. My mother freaked out when she saw me slowly bleeding through my shirt.Richard was surprised. I guess he didn't expect for the bond to work so quickly. Sometimes I wondered about that myself. It wasn't like I was doing anything to slow it down anyway.There was no good reason for me to do so.
                          
      "What did you see?" I was watching the flames die out. We had a running competition on who would sleep first, I won as always but she put up a good fight. One of her ways was to make small talk before she fell asleep.
                          
       "The other night,I saw your eyes." she continued.
                          
       Was she dreaming about me?
                          
       "But it wasn't you, someone else but they looked a lot like you did.They were smiling though, that was different.You don't smile much." her voice filtered off as she slumped against me, her fingers softly holding my forearm.
                          
       She would cling to me in her sleep and it had an effect I didn't count on.
                          
      It was painful,at first, because she would try to clear my head off my shoulders if I didn't reciprocate the contact. I didn't mind that she wanted me touch her but I just wish she'd been awake to ask me. Of course, when she woke up she would have no clear recollection of her tumultuous nights. I hoped it would stay that way because I had inadvertently opened one of my memories to her that I wasn't particularly eager to share.Ever.
                          
       I detached myself from her once she was comfortable, while I was far from it. I needed to think and sharing this bed wasn't cutting it for me.
                          
      I waited until she had fallen into a deep sleep and the fire had died before I left the bedroom. I sat on the rocking chair outside gazing up at the stars. It had been a while since I tried this.
                          
       "Dad, I finally got someone to like me. I hope I did well enough for you."



                          
THIS IS AN UNEDITED DRAFT.THANK YOU FOR READING.