"This is so stupid."

                                    

                                          
April 3, 1999
                          
Gina had another party and it was okay, I guess. Half the time, everyone was trying to get me and Jacob to kiss. We didn't. When the party first started, we were playing Truth or Dare. Jacob was busy in the other room playing ping-pong. James goes to me, "Truth or dare?" I said, "Um... truth." [Always go with truth over dare.]
                          
He smiled mischievously. "Who do you like?" I rolled my eyes and said, "Jacob." He said, "What's that?! Jacob, I think you need to come in here for a second!" I grabbed his hand and pleaded, "James, please do not do this to me." He smiled reassuringly and called out, "Never mind, Jacob!" as if Jacob had heard him in the first place. Then he patted my hand and said, "Don't worry."
                          
And the thing is, I really wasn't worried. I can trust James to do what's best for me and Jacob. He genuinely wants us to be together. I think if I weren't friends with him and I didn't like Jacob, I might like James. But probably not. He is like Daniel, in that I can't imagine liking them as something more than friends.
                          
But later, Jacob and I were sitting on either side of the basement and James was standing in the middle of the room. He goes, "This is so stupid. We all know that you two want each other bad, and you know it, too! It's like you're already going out." At this point, I looked across the room to Jacob. He was looking at me, intensely. His eyes were wide and his mouth was in a straight line. He held my eyes for a moment before I looked away. [Sounds terrifying.]
                          
I totally clam up when I'm around Jacob. I don't know why - if I were to say or do something stupid, he would laugh kindly and let it pass. He's like that: if he senses any sort of tension, he is really good at lightening the mood and making everything okay. That is why he is so popular - everyone loves to be around him because he is so reassuring and comforting.