41 - jackass

                                    

                                          
*tavie's pov*
                          
It had been another week since I went to Luke's house, and suddenly the walls were back up between us. I had no idea what had happened. We'd gone out Tuesday night, and Friday night, but now we were out again, on Sunday, and he was being quieter than he had ever been. I held his hand and squeezed it, looking up at him, but he just looked at the floor. 
                          
"Luke, what is it?" I asked him, trying to catch his eye.
                          
He shook his head. "Nothing, Tavie." He replied.
                          
"I know there's something wrong, I'm not blind. Just tell me." I sighed, stopping and turning his head so he was facing me.
                          
He stepped back from me, and my hands fell to my sides. "Do I have to be happy every minute of every day? Do I have to tell you everything that's going on in my head?!" He exclaimed. His face was starting to grow red.
                          
"Luke, I didn't mean that. I just want to know why you're being so different today." I muttered.
                          
"That's the problem! You want to know everything! I can't communicate all my feelings towards you, Tavie. I'm human, and I have my own personal thoughts and feelings that I don't necessarily want everyone to know!" He shouted, throwing his hands up in the air exasperatedly.
                          
"But..." I sighed, looking away from him. "I want to know you're okay. I'm always here if you want to talk to me. I'm all yours, Luke, I'm here for you." I murmured, looking up at him with a faint, hopeful smile.
                          
He groaned. "Stop being so..." he groaned again in frustration, and started tugging at his hair. I knew he was frustrated, but at who? I wasn't sure if it was at me or at himself. "You're too good for me, Tavie." He said, quietly this time. His face then hardened. "But Ashton hasn't given up yet, Tavie, I know you didn't do what you said you would. He's still getting angry at me and he's still muttering under his breath." He said.
                          
"I know, I'm sorry. I did talk to him, but he just wouldn't listen." I said.
                          
"But I don't feel like you're all to myself yet. And I don't know if I even want you all to myself!" He said, exasperation was clear in his face.
                          
I was starting to get confused, his words and his points were all over the place. It was as if everything he had been thinking over the past few weeks was splurging out of his mouth unformed and incoherent.
                          
"What do you mean?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows and running a hand through my hair that was beginning to get messed up from the wind that was picking up out here. It was starting to get dark already, we should have been heading home.
                          
"I mean, I thought I like you, hell, I thought I might have even loved you." He muttered, looking straight at me now. His hands were starting to clench at his sides. He was getting more and more frustrated with himself, with me, with Ashton. "But now, I'm not so sure. I... I think I loved you because you were so infatuated with me. I think I loved you because it was exciting being liked by someone who was liked by other people too, I liked how I had someone other people wanted."
                          
Tears sprung to my eyes. It felt like I had been used, and now my feelings and I were being betrayed.
                          
"But now you're 'mine'; you're my girlfriend, and I've had time to ponder my feelings and whether they're true or not. And with the help of Ashton, they are slowly diminishing to nothing but a little crush." He said, with a small, nonchalant shrug.
                          
"What do mean, 'with the help of Ashton'?" I asked, anger beginning to bubble up inside of me.
                          
"I mean, that he's being so annoying and angry all the time, and it's just annoying me to the point where I want to break up with you so that his incessant whining will stop." 
                          
"You're kidding. Luke, what the fuck has gotten into you?!" I exclaimed, my eyes widening.
                          
"Shut up! This is just me telling you the truth. You wanted me to tell you what was going on in my head, right? Here it is." He spread out his arms and just looked at me.
                          
"But, you were so..."
                          
"Perfect? No. I was never perfect. I'm a freaking jackass, Octavia. If you had just listened in those tunnels you would have noticed." He smiled at me slightly, and my eyes widened.
                          
It was him. He wanted to trick me, push my claustrophobia to the limit, and he even laughed when his plan had worked.
                          
"You jerk! You... you..." I was lost for words, and suddenly all the anger rose to the surface and my hand seemed to move of its own accord, slapping that blonde idiot right across the face. I was breathing quickly and jerked my hand back after the hard slap resonated across the park.
                          
Luke suddenly seemed as if he had been snapped awake, his eyes were wide in shock and his eyes fell on me again, and he looked at me slowly.
                          
"I guess I deserved that." He muttered, looking down at the floor.
                          
"You did. You deserve everything you get now. Bye, Luke." I seethed, storming away and leaving Luke in the wake of the destruction he had caused.
                          
// a/n hey guys :) hope you liked the chapter, and the previous one! double update, omg! haha I've surprised even myself. hope you guys are all doing okay, I love you all thank you so much for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you. make sure to vote and comment, I want to hear more from you! and feel free to pm me if you need to rant or just want a chat :) //