I Came Out To My Mom

                                    

                                          
Hey, sooooo
                          
I came out to my mom this morning. As I was getting out of the car to walk into school I handed her my letter. Several minutes later she called my phone and asked me to meet her outside. We talked about it and she says she will always love me and it doesn't change who I am. We hugged and cried and then I went back into school for my first class. She texted me later saying she loves me always. She also said I can talk to her about anything. She said she knows being a teenager is hard and was worried because lots of teenagers run away and do drugs and stuff. It kind of bothered me when she said I'll always be her daughter, but it went pretty well. Then after school my entire family picked me up, which was really weird because usually she's still at work and my brother and dad aren't home for a few hours. We went to the mall, another weird occurrence. I'm supposed to wear jean shorts for part of my next dance recital, so we went straight into the women's section and got jeans to cut into shorts, which hurt. She acted like it had never happened this morning. She's acting like we didn't even have that conversation this morning. I have to survive the next hour and a half until I can go to my dance class. I'm confused and my head is going crazy. You know how when you say a word enough times it doesn't seem like a word anymore? That's what I'm feeling with my gender. Like my head is going OH GOD WHAT IF I'M ACTUALLY A CONFUSED GIRL GOUNG THROUGH A PHASE, WAIT THEN WHY AM I DISGUSTED CALLING MYSELF A GIRL, NO MAYBE I JUST THOUGHT SO MUCH ABOUT BEING TRANSGENDER THAT I AM TRANSGENDER, WAIT COULD IT WORK THAT WAY, NO OH GOD HELP, WAIT I'M A SATANIST I SHOULDN'T  SAY OH GOD, HELPPP MEEEEE meanwhile I'm trying to pay attention to how to conjugate the verb "avoir" in French. I got to meet with a counselor today for 30minutes and we talked for a while, so I was a little calmer. Now I need to go "do a lot of homework" or as I call it, take a really long time to do a short assignment so I can listen to music while I work. Hopefully I won't have to talk to my mom. Halppppp meeeeeee... I'm so stressed. 
                          
Love ya,
Carter
<3 ;