Chapter Fifty Two

                                    

                                          
Pan's point of view 
                          
I woke up with a jolt. Another nightmare. They practically came every night now. At some point they'd come so frequently that I'd even gotten used to then. But not these. I could never get used to these. Every night, in my sleep, I'd see Alianna. Sometimes her face was looking at me,  twisted in hate and disgust. Other times it would be her body, broken and bleeding, dead on the ground. After I'd wake up from those nightmares, I always had to see her. I had to make sure that she was still fine, that she was still alive, that it had only been a nightmare.
                          
With a thudding heart, I'd slip my head through the crack between her door and the wall, and I'd look at her. She'd be sleeping peacefully, beautiful and calm. Only then would my heartbeat slow down. Only then would I let myself breathe a sigh of relief, before slipping quietly away.
                          
But this time it felt different. I wasn't in my room, I realized. I sat up and only then did I become fully aware of where I was. Alianna was breathing lightly besides me and mumbled a few words of protest at my sudden movement, but she didn't wake up.
                          
I got out of the bed and she started whimpering. At first I thought it was because I was leaving, until I realized she was having a nightmare. Her once peaceful features were now tight with terror and she was jerking violently, as if she were trying to run away from something. She cried out in pain and then went still.
                          
I stood rooted on the spot, unable to decide if I should go or not, if her nightmare was over or not.  Then, she started sobbing, and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to leave her. I sat back down on the bed and brushed away lightly the loose strands of her hair off her face.
                          
She was whimpering quietly, and I only caught a few words. "Please, stop. It wasn't my fault, please! I didn't know- I didn't know he would push me out of the way!" She hiccuped through her tears. "I- I tried to heal him, please! Don't say that, it's not my fault!" Her whimpers ended in agonized cries.
                          
My heart throbbed painfully. Her fault? She thought Derek's death was her fault? I was the one who wanted to execute her, Derek was the one to push her out of the arrow's aim, and I was the one to cut off her magic temporarily. It was my fault, and maybe a bit of Derek's fault that he had died, but it was anything except her fault! How could she even think that?
                          
She started whimpering again, the sounds she made so anguished that it physically hurt me to hear her like that.
                          
"No, please. Don't say that. I wasn't using him! I did love him, I really did! I just- I just wasn't in love with him- No, please, no!"
                          
She started sobbing again and thrashing violently. I couldn't take it anymore. This was all because of me. I never knew that what I'd said to her so long ago about Derek knowing she didn't love him the way he loved her, had hurt her so much. Yes, it had hurt her so much that it had breached the wall of emotionlessness so that she could feel again, but I didn't know she still had nightmares about it. All because of me.
                          
I pinned her wrists against the mattress and she stopped moving but her sobs continued. I wiped away her tears gently with my thumb but they just kept on coming. I pressed my lips to her forehead, murmuring soothing nonsense.
                          
"Hey, shh... It's okay now. Don't cry, Princess. No one thinks it's your fault. You're going to be okay. Everything is fine. It wasn't your fault."
                          
Her sobs faded out until she was perfectly calm again. I was surprised to see that she hadn't even woken up, but it was probably better that way. I looked at her one last time, her red rimmed eyes now peacefully closed, her face untroubled and calm. I slipped quietly out of her room, gently closing the door behind me.