23. Just lonely

                                    

                                          
[Song: Act like you love me - Shawn Mendes. You guys know the drill... XD and guess what?!!?!?!?! after much stress and hard work I finally managed to attach videos! YAASSS! If you were wondering why this update was late thats why! And I'm super sorry for it being late. I hope the video is working?! Anywhoozies! there will be a delay of updates due to a choir camp I have coming up this weekend, but if you would like more info on that I will be posting an update on my journal soon so head over there. And yeah!! PS THIS IS JUST A FILLER CHAPTER AND IS RRLY SHORT... SOZ BOUT IT. PPS CAN I JUST SAY OmG iM DYinG!? 10K?!?!? mKaYbyE! LOVE YALL!]


                          
9:55 am
                          
23rd April 
Joe's p.o.v 
The warm air blew lightly against my wet cheeks. I hung my head watching my shoes move against the pavement, I felt anger boil in my stomach, but i didn't want to be angry... But I felt more sadness. 
                          
I cant believe he didn't tell me. I love him... I do, but how can I trust him if he couldn't even tell me about a kiss that apparently didn't mean anything to him? 
                          
As I moved further away from the house more people rushed by me, pushing and shoving and bustling about their business.
                          
My heart was breaking in two and so many emotions were bottled up inside of me. I stayed silent as I moved away from the apartment. 
                          
Faintly I heard Caspar's voice call out behind me, but I just kept my head down and moved faster up the street and around the corner. I'm so over all of this.
                          
Why does everyone in my life have to lie to me? 
                          
More hot tears started to trickle down my face, head down and clutching my folded arms.
                          
 I didn't know where I was going or where I'm going to go but I wasn't going back to the apartment, not now... Not after all the shit that's going on. 
                          
My feet somehow carried me so far away from the house, I wasn't even sure where I was. The tall buildings an hotels, daunting over me. The streets in this part of town seem deserted compared to parts of London I'm used to. 
                          
I feeling so lost... I'm so confused. I just wish everything was normal, wish none of this had ever happened. Everything I've done has just made more problems, I can't keep up with all this shit. 
                          
I can't believe... can't fucking believe Caspar would do this to me. 
                          
Stop thinking about him, Joe! 

                          
I shook my head, as if I was shaking the thoughts from my head. 
                          
I shuffled my feet against the pavement, only occasionally glancing up. Shoving my hands in my pockets I sighed and turned another corner and headed down another street. My mind so full of thoughts and heavy heart. 
                          
I finally spotted a familiar looking hotel and deiced i was gonna stay there for a bit.
                          


                          
[10 mins later] 
                          
213
                          
I grabbed the door key and unlocked the cream tinged door and swung it open, slipping inside and shutting it quickly behind me. I made my way over to the bed, holding in all my emotions. As soon as my head hit the pillow and I crawled under the blanket. i burst out in a mess of emotions, sobbing and yelling into my pillow. 
                          


                          
I really need a friend right now. I really need Caspar...