18. Help

                                    

                                          
(Again, song above will help with the emotions in this chapter! Song: Skinny love- Birdy. anyway, ENJOY!! ;)) 
                          
9:45 am 
                          
2nd April 
                          
Joe's p.o.v
Would he come back? 
                          
Does he care? 
                          
My tears tasted salty as they trickled down my cheek. 
                          
Love hurts, it hurts so bad. 
                          
But my heart wasn't the only thing hurting. My lungs and chest where causing me so much pain. I clenched my stomach as pain shot through my chest and lungs. 
                          
I was basically a crippled ball of pain on the floor and I was like this for a good two hours until I gave up fighting my body to stay awake to see if Caspar would come back. I feel asleep. Tears stains still visible in my cheeks and my every breath causing my chest agony. 
                          
Maybe he will come home? 
                          
Soon? 
                          
My eyes were closed but I could still hear. It was raining outside, the drops of water tapping on the roof. Like a song but more natural and with less of a flow or rhythm to it. Though most find the sound of rain soothing, it made me feel uneasy. My eyes shot open again and sleep was no longer a priority. 
                          
Caspar's been gone for so long. 
                          
Too long... 
                          
Why do I keep thinking about Caspar? 
                          
Ugh ignore him Joe. 
                          
But the more I thought about ignoring him the more I thought about him. His eyes, his hair, his smile, his lips, his body, his face, his personality... 
                          
Just him. 
                          
Every damn thing about him was my idea of perfect. 
                          
But I'm guessing I'm not the only one. 
                          
I'm not stupid. 
                          
I know Josh.
                          
He's jealous, and so he's trying to take Caspar away from me.
                          
That's why I'm jealous. 
                          
What will Josh do? What are him and Caspar doing right now? Where are they? How are they? Does Caspar enjoy time with him more than time with me? Would he enjoy time it's him more than me? 
                          
Immediate panic shot through my body, flowing through my stomach and chest. 
                          
"No.. No, Joe. No just... Just breath." I stuttered out. 
                          
I was forcing my body not to burst into a mental breakdown or panic attack. But taking breaths hurt so bad, my lungs felt as if the were on fire. 
                          
I Clenched my fists and jaw and pulled my knees closer to my chest. Breathing in and out, trying so desperately not to break down in to a bigger mess than I already am.
                          
I missed Caspar so much and it's only been a day. 
                          
What if he doesn't come back? 
                          
That set me off. 
                          
I released all tension in my mussels and my small frame hit against the hard wooden floor. Tears pouring. Heart hurting. It became hard to breath and I was breathing heavily. 
                          
I've never been so emotional in my life so why am I now? What's happening? Why am I such a mess? Or is it just my feelings for Caspar's fucking me over? 
                          
Caspar was a drug. I get addicted and when I'm with him I'm of could fucking nine but as soon as its over I just crave more and this was not health for me. Crying seemed to be the only thing I do. 
                          
Just then the front door upstairs creaked open. Then it closed. 
                          
"Joe?" 
                          
Caspar. 
He's...he's home. 
                          
"Caspar." I whispered still a ball of pain, sadness and confusion on my bedroom floor. 
                          
Almost the exact way he left me. 
                          
Footsteps. Walking down the stairs. Echoing through the apartment. 
                          
"Joe, are you here?" Caspar called again. 
                          
"C-c-Caspar..." I whispered struggling for breath again. My vision was blurry and I felt achey all over. 
                          
A wet figure appeared in the door way. 
                          
"Oh my god.. JOE!" He yelled out in panic. 
                          
I clutched my stomach again as it rumbled and curled up again. 
                          
"C-Caspar... I-" I stumbled out once more. 
                          
"No. Joe. This is serious. I need you to be okay, Joe, I can't lose you. Babe, what's wrong?" He cooed as he scooped me up bridal style and I buried my head in his wet shirt. 
                          
I just curled up in his arms. Enjoying his comfort. I don't really care that he was soaking wet from the rain, just his presence was all I wanted.  
                          
"Jojo, what's wrong?" He asked again. 
                          
He sat down on the bed pressing my small body against his body his arms around me. My face was buried in the crook of his neck and I kept my eyes closed. 
                          
I felt him push a piece of my hair away from the side of my face that was showing slightly. 
                          
"It's nothing." I whispered out tiredly. 
                          
All that sadness and emotions I'd just felt for hours seemed to disappear immediately, as soon as Caspar held me in his arms again. 
                          
It was this feeling that I forget, I'm in love. 
                          
"Joe, it not nothing. Obviously something is making you upset." He persisted, his head now resting on mine as he gently rocked us back and forward. 
                          
"I missed you." I spoke gently, opening my eyes to look up at him. 
                          
He was smiling. He kissed my forehead and my stomach tingled. 
                          
"Where were you, Caspar?" I asked beginning to return to my perky self. 
                          
"Oh.. I... Umm I was out. I met a girl called Grace and she works at a cafe called 'coffee binge'. She said she knew you. We talked. It rain outside. Josh met me there. We got in a fight and then... He..." tears started welling in his eyes. 
                          
I jolted up.
                          
I screamed out in pain as my chest and lungs felt as if they were on fire. 
                          
Caspar was full on crying.
                          
I was crying. 
                          
"Joe! He... He..." He struggled. 
                          
I stroked his hair to clam him down. His face was a mess of worry and hurt. He was staring to clam as I stroked his hair. My chest still felt as if someone was stabbing me and it hurt so much to breath that ever time I did breath in or our I had in wince in pain and stop myself from not crying or screaming. Unfortunately Caspar noticed. 
                          
He hates you Joe. He staring at you like that cause he despises you. 
                          
The voices were back. 
                          
"We need to get you help, Joe. Your in physical pain. I can see it. Don't lie." Casale said concerned holding my waist. Tears still dampened both our cheeks. 
                          
"Ok, but Caspar?" 
                          
"Yeah?" 
                          
"What did Josh do?" 
                          
"He...."