Fearlessness (Bucky Barnes x reader)

                                    

                                          
There really was nothing more comfortable than your leggings and a nice, roomy sweatshirt.  You could move freely in them, you could wrap yourself up, and most importantly, you knew that no one could see you underneath them. As far back as you could remember, you had always worn comfortable clothes, but other people would see it as hiding.  At first it wasn't; it really was just for comfort.  But after awhile you became accustomed to people not seeing your true form, but rather a shapeless figure in sweats and jackets.  It would be uncomfortable to wear fitted clothing now, and the last thing you wanted was to be judged for your insecurity with yourself. Your parents were of no help, trying to push you to dress nicer, be more presentable, but it only made it worse. It was hard for others to understand the self-loathing if they had never experienced it themselves.
                          
Even now, as an Avenger, those feelings continued.  You were a member of a team of superheroes, and you still couldn't get past this.  It had been too long, and had become too much a part of you to change your ways.  It was becoming troublesome now as your best friend Bucky began dropping subtle hints about what you were wearing from time to time.  He would ask strange questions and suggest activities together than pushed your comfort zone.  He must know something is going on to have him acting so strangely around you when you had always been 'annoyingly close', as Pietro had put it.
                          
You cringed as your friend bounced into the living room, a smile on his face and a shopping bag gripped in his metal hand.  He was clearly up to something.
                          
"I have a gift for you, (Y/N).  It would mean a lot to me if you gave it a try."  Bucky held out the large bag and you immediately grew skeptical.  "Don't look at me like that.  All I'm asking is for you to try it.  No pressure, I promise."
                          
With a small roll of your eyes, you gave a huff and grabbed the bag away from him.  This wasn't going to work.  Putting nicer, better fitting clothes on the outside does nothing for what's happening on the inside.  However, you knew that he had gone to great lengths to find your actual size, look for something you might like, and actually go shopping in a ladies boutique with that shiny arm of his.  If only you had been there to see the faces of the women who must have had to help him with this.  
                          
"I'm only doing this for you, Buck.  Don't get your hopes up."
                          
"I'm not."  His declination didn't match the hopeful look in his eyes.  You would never be able to say 'no' to that.  
                          
Bucky waited for you as you took the bag to your room.  Pulling the items out one at a time, you were mortified by how tailored they were, and how much they would hug your shape.  What was he thinking?  This was a terrible idea, but you made the mistake of agreeing to it.  Oh, this was gonna be painful.
                          
Skinny jeans?  Really, Buck?
                          
And heels?!  What the hell?  Do you want me to break my ankle?
                          
As you dressed you had your back to the mirror, not willing to see yourself and longing to have anything more comfortable to wear.  When you finally finished the last button on the tight white shirt, you checked the bag to make sure the creation of you that he wanted was complete.  There was one more package.  The small box made you more nervous than these uncomfortable clothes had.  You opened it very slowly, peeking inside to see a thin gold chain with a small square gold plate, the word "Fearlessness" engraved in script.
                          
Oh, you're good.  You're really good, Buck.  
                          
Once the chain was clasped, you closed your eyes tight and took a deep breath, then turned to face yourself in the mirror.  It was far from the reaction that you were expecting from yourself.  Your breath caught in your chest as the tears began to form, and you could feel your legs weakening.  Stumbling back towards your bed, you sat heavily, trying to control the emotions that were gripping you.  
                          
"(Y/N)?  You okay?  You've been in there a long time."
                          
What was happening to you? Where was this coming from?  You couldn't even catch your breath enough to answer him.  Standing to open the door, your knees nearly gave out beneath you, but you needed to reach him.  When the door opened, Bucky's expression immediately changed from lighthearted to concerned; he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you tightly to him, rubbing his hand over your back to try to calm you.
                          
"Hey, calm down.  Honey, what's wrong?"  After a moment he moved back to look at you, "oh no, (Y/N), this is my fault!  You can take this all off and change, I'm so sorry!"
                          
"It's...not...that..." you said between shaky breaths.  "I wasn't...expecting..." your words failed you once again.
                          
"You weren't expecting to think you looked good, were you?  You didn't realize, did you?"
                          
"No."
                          
"Sweetheart, you're gorgeous.  Look at you," he pulled you back towards the mirror and stood behind you, "look at how beautiful you are.  This is how I've always seen you, (Y/N).  What you are finally seeing, this is my everyday.  This vision is what's seared onto my memory."
                          
The words still didn't feel true to you, didn't feel real, but you were starting to think about maybe believing them.  "I don't know how to feel this, Bucky.  My whole life..."
                          
He turned you around to face him, holding your shoulders as he looked at you.  "Then your new life starts today, okay?  I happen to know first-hand that it can be done," he chuckled softly.  You closed your eyes and nodded in agreement; before you opened them again, you felt his lips against yours.  You startled for a second, but quickly accepted him.  He paused to look at you and wipe the drying tears from your eyes, holding his gaze intently.  "We do this, together."