Name Change At School

                                    

                                          
Haaaaayyyyyy
                          
Warning, this is probably just me ranting and being a general fed up  asshole for the chapter sooooo...
                          
So at school I'm starting to go by my real name, Carter. And there's been a lot of confusion. Like, a lot. When teachers/friends slip up it confuses other people. Lots of credit to them because they're trying and I'm thankful for them. But there's also confusion when teachers/friends get it right. I've had to explain what my real name is to so many people. Every day. It's tiring. And I don't really get to say much. Like conversations go like this:
"Your name's [birth name], right?"
"No, it's Carter."
"Is that your real name?"
"Yeah"
"Then why did we all call you [birth name] in class?"
"Uhh... That's not my real name, it's actually Carter."
"So do you want me to call you [birth name] or Carter?"
"Call me Carter, please."
"Okay, I'll try but I'll probably mess up. I didn't know you changed it."
"That's okay"
At this point someone else will over hear and join in and it's a repeat of the same conversation that loops in circles of "what's your real name" and "did you change it" and questions like that. Where people are confused. And I'm totally okay with answering people's questions and talking about my being transgender, but it's always the same question of what my real name is, not of why I changed it. And my real name is Carter. And it's kind of tiring to have these conversations that go in loops all day with everyone I talk to. I'm very thankful for my friends too. They all try to get my name right, but rarely does anyone get my pronouns right. They call me Carter, but they still refer to me as a she which isn't me. Except for the dude who sits next to me in English. He helped me when I started having a panic attack in English and he calls me by the right name and pronouns. He even made me smile when everyone around me was trying to call me by my birth name. I know I'm being a selfish asshole, I'm just really worn out from trying to explain that my birth name isn't my real name to people in all of my classes every day. Also, school bathrooms. I can only really use the bathrooms in the counseling office/main office. And I'm being hurt a lot by being misgendered because I have hair down to my knees and big boobs and AGH I JUST REALLY WANT A FLAT CHEST AND A DICK I'm sorry I'm just ranting now. Fun fact:autocorrect is trying to change "misgendered" to "cisgendered" and it's annoying me. Right now everything is just annoying me. I'm annoying myself too. I don't know why anyone's reading this, it's just a rant. Also, I have "Asshole" by Ronnie Radke ft. Andy Biersack stuck in my head. 
                          
I'm gonna go write music and deal with emotions. 
                          
Love ya,
Carter
<3 ;