Bonjour mon amis! Comment ça va?
I'm sure my French is terrible, haha. Anyways to the subject of this chapter.
This chapter is mostly me getting my thoughts out and panicking.
I'm going to come out to my family. Soon. I've written letters for each of my parents. They're both pretty much the exact same letter. But I think I might give either both of them tomorrow before I go to school, or I might just give one to my mom.
I'm not sure about my brother. I might write him a letter tonight to give to him in the morning or slip into his pocket before school.
I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and I'm freaking out and I haven't even given them letters.
Things I want to bring up maybe:
-rumors about me being a butch lesbian that have been going around at school since 6th grade so people notice that I'm not very feminine
-that if it was a phase I probably wouldn't be having panic attacks and insane stress and anxiety all the time
-it's not a choice to be trans, but it is a choice to reject
-it will be hard, but it's necessary for me to come out and transition
-I want to see a therapist
-I want to cut my hair
-I would someday like to start hormone blockers/testosterone
-My name needs to change
-I've been meeting with 2 counselors at school for the past few months
-Swim suits. I just got a brand new women's swim suit today and I'm not a girl. I don't know what to do at swimming.
-I'm not the only trans person/not female person in my dance class, and screw gender stereotypes because dancing isn't strictly feminine
-Getting new clothes would be nice
-Binding. Packing. Defining my nonexistent manly facial features.
I'm freaking out and questioning myself. Ugh. I dislike these emotions.
Love ya,
Carter
<3 ;
YOU ARE READING
Is This The Real Life?
Non-FictionIdk what this is. A diary? Letters? Advice and help? Random jokes? Who knows what this is. PLEASE MOVE ON TO MY NEW JOURNAL. It's called Take Me Home, Ground Control.
