Logic

                                    

                                          
                   
                          
Noah, I've come to realise in the short period of knowing him, has a knack for not only asking questions I deem offensive, but also personal. The thing is however, he doesn't look like the inquisitor he actually is. Behind his well-rehearsed smile, tousled, beach like hair and oversized singlets paired with board shorts, Noah is in fact the most deviously curious person I've met. 
                          
I'm not offended by his question – I think I'm slowly learning to brush things off casually – but I am partially annoyed. He seems well aware that I'm not interested in talking about myself, not because I have anything to hide, but for the simple reason that I just don't want to talk about me, yet he's adamant to press all my buttons and eventually cause a malfunction. I'm also partially confused. I have never been asked that before- I've never questioned it myself. To me I assumed I was born a Muslim, that I was already religiously orientated from the start and as I grew, I just followed what I thought was set for me.
                          
Until now, it honestly hasn't occurred to me that I may have possibly made the decision myself. It clicks- it makes sense- and I'm annoyed that Noah picked up on it before me. As easily as I may have chosen to be Muslim at some point in my life, I could have chosen to be a Christian or a Buddhist, or an Atheist. The thought has my mind spinning and my heart picks up its pace. The idea is so small, so insignificant to the outer world, but in retrospect it could have changed my entire life. 
                          
A thousand thoughts sprint in my mind, blurring my vision and deafening my ears as they gallop by in a mess of conflicting emotions. My throat feels dry and I fear that my larynx might cave if I open my mouth.
                          
"I don't know." Noah's gaze meets mine, though now his smile has decided to part and his laugh lines have blended in seamlessly with his sun kissed skin. He stares at me and despite feeling uncomfortable and having a strong urge to look away, I keep my eyes firm on his. 
                          
"It seems to me," Noah starts, his smile returning ever so subtly. "That you don't know yourself very well." I welcome the change in subject with open arms and a relieved sigh.
                          
"And you do?" He stares at me for a moment then leans back on his palms again.
                          
"I'm becoming more acquainted with me every day." His smile blooms into a closed mouth grin.
                          
"Good for you."
                          
"Aren't you interested in yourself?"
                          
"What kind of a question is that?" He shrugs and I frown slightly. "I know me."
                          
"I don't think so. You don't know how you're parents met or which culture you prefer, you don't know if you chose your religion and you can't seem to make up your mind if you like Japanese culture or not." He chuckles lightly at the end, and though he's managed to irritate me, I smile slightly. "I don't think you know yourself at all."
                          
"You've made your point." I say finally. "Now can you finish the story?"
                          
"I don't know." He smirks - purposely patronising me. I shake my head and hold back a smile. "We could meet up again."
                          
"You said that last time."
                          
"It's getting late."
                          
"You said that as well."
                          
"It is. And I haven't have dinner yet." I sigh as I give up. "Have you?"
                          
"No." My voice is bitter as I stand and rub at the back of my knees. I brush down my shirt and stand nimbly with my hands by my sides. Noah stands as well.  "See you." I make to head back into my apartment but pause as Noah speaks.
                          
"Tell you what, I'll finish the story at Amu's."
                          
~*~
                          
Despite no longer being enthusiastic about hearing the rest of Noah's story, my curiosity is a cat hard to kill, and so I agreed to join Noah once again at Abu Tamer's kebab hut. Saleem's bubbly spirit-enhanced by the lively Arabian music, created a charged atmosphere of happiness that welcomed both of us as we entered the little shop. We were served, both paying for our own meals and sat at one of the plastic table sets under the white fluorescent lighting.