"Why haven't you killed yourself yet, you stupid slut?"

                                    

                                          
December 30, 1998
                          
It is Christmas vacation so I am not seeing anyone at school, but my dad got AOL for a month! So I am always online chatting with Stacy, James, and Jacob. It is so much fun.
                          
But I was chatting with Stacy last night and I got a new chat. It was from the screen name DieEmilyLindin and it said, "Hi Emily." I just stared at it and didn't respond. Then I closed the chat box and went to get some cheese in the kitchen. [Duh, cheese makes everything better.]
                          
When I came back to the computer, the chat box was back and this time it said, "Why haven't you killed yourself yet, you stupid slut?" I know it sounds stupid, but I felt like the chat box could see me through the computer screen.
                          
I asked Stacy if she knew who had made that screen name, DieEmilyLindin. She said it was Steph and that Steph had also made a web page called Die Emily Lindin, and that it had been there for 6 months, but Stacy had just found out about it from Emma. I didn't try to go to the web page. I felt kind of sick, like I could throw up, and I just signed off AOL.
                          
Stacy is in one of her ultra-depressed states, and James and Jacob aren't helping. They are always like, "Why don't you ditch Stacy?" And I know I would never do that! She's worried, though. But I know how it feels and I am NOT EVER going to ditch her! I am a stronger person than that.
                          
James and I have become super close. I trust him. He is probably the first boy I have really liked without having a crush on him. And it's great. Right now, I think he and Stacy are my closest friends, and it's weird because they HATE each other.