Chapter 1 - Sneaking Out

                                    

                                          
Chapter 1 - Sneaking Out
I love so strongly; I'm afraid it might kill me.
I first realized it when I was six years old. My dad was driving the whole family home from an expensive business dinner when our car spun out on black ice. Even as a child, my first instinct was to protect the people I loved, so I stuck out my arms during the accident to shield my older brother from danger. I ended up breaking a finger and dislocating my collarbone in the process.
When we arrived at the hospital, my mom and dad yelled at me for getting hurt and wasting their time. For the second time that day, lying in a hospital bed in excruciating pain as the doctor attempted to put my collarbone back into place, I was worried about everyone except myself.
If only I knew then that my capacity for love would only lead me to a lifetime of pain and heartbreak.
Fortunately, my brother eventually taught me that our parents weren't worth loving, and I learned to put that love in other places.
I pulled the window open, being extra careful not to make any sound as I stepped out onto the ledge of the roof below me. I slid my favorite pink pencil onto the windowsill seconds before the wind blew, slamming it down and making an unpleasant crunching sound as the pencil winced beneath its weight.
I walked over to the tall oak tree that reached upright to the ledge I was on and ruffled around in the leaves until I found what I was looking for. I pulled out the white rope ladder that I had stolen from the gardener two months ago and hooked it onto the sturdy gutters that lined the roof. I climbed down the ladder silently, moving like a shadow and feeling as weightless and detached as one. When I reached the ground, I unhooked the ladder and hid it in my mother's favorite rose garden, grabbing a flower out of spite and sticking it behind my ear.
As I started walking towards the street, I couldn't help but take comfort in how peaceful it was with the whole town asleep. For a second, it felt like I was free, like the entire world belonged to me. Then a loud revving engine ruined the delusory mirage.
The warm air blew my long black hair onto my face as I walked down the street towards the city. Autumn was just beginning, and I could already smell the despair in the air as everyone began to realize summer really had come to an end and that the next nine months would be spent in school.
Just thinking about it, I felt like a weight had been placed in the pit of my stomach, and it was pulling me downwards. I pushed it to the side, standing up a little straighter as I forced myself not to think about it until the morning.
The moment the city's bright lights came into view and the buzzing of cars and whispered conversations reached my ears, I forgot about my worries. For the next few hours, I would be someone else, a girl who only existed after curfew that would disappear again once the sun rose.
I pulled out my phone, checking where Cherry had texted me to meet them: Nocturnal Night Club, midnight.
As soon as my black lace-up heels stepped onto the main street, I was no longer Willow Woods, the Ivy League girl with wealthy parents. I was just Willow, a name without any pretense or assumptions. That would change by the end of the night, of course, but that was part of the fun. And if I didn't like the Willow I'd created that night, thanks to alcohol, it wouldn't matter the next day.
I walked along the sidewalks until I reached Nocturnal Night Club. When I finally arrived, I noticed the line went on for blocks. I went up to the bouncer, walking past the long line of people and ignoring the drunk shouts accusing me of cutting. I had been to Nocturnal Night Club more times than I could count over the last three months, and for the first time, I didn't recognize either of the bouncers.