5. Boobs and Battles

                                    

                                          

(I'm back!)

                          
"What? Are you kidding me?", I practically scream, "You want us to fight Voldemort?"
                          
"Yes", Harry shrugs.
                          
"Aaarrghh!", I growl in frustration and stamp my foot. This is so unfair! I'm not even a witch! At least Brad's a vampire, even though his fangs can't even pierce a loaf of bread.
                          
"Here are your wands", Harry says as he hands me and Brad a short thin piece of wood each. "And here is a spellbook. You'll find all the spells here."
                          
"How can we learn all the spells in such less time?", Brad asks.
                          
"Hmmm", Harry mutters, deep in thought, "Just take the spellbook with you in the battlefield."
                          
"That's so stupid", I roll my eyes. I'm gonna complain the entire time.
                          
Harry waves his wand and the next thing I know, I'm standing in a battlefield. Harry and Brad are beside me while in our opposite direction stands Voldemort and his accomplices.
                          
"Ah, Harry Potter", Voldemort mutters creepily in a nasal voice. He's as ugly as a toad's dick and I cringe at the sight of him. "I see you've brought some friends. But I must tell you, a puny muggle girl and a vampire with blunt fangs cannot stop me from fucking Professor Minerva McGonnall."
                          
"We will stop you, Voldemort!", Harry says as he shoots out a ray of light from his wand which hits Voldemort directly in his penis.
                          
"Asshole, you hit one of my balls!", Voldemort croaks as he clutches his testicles in pain. Turning to his minions, he shouts, "Why are you all just standing there frozen like snowmen? Get 'em!"
                          
"Oh my god!", I squeak as the villains approaches us. I take out my spellbook and begin to turn the pages. When I finally find a suitable spell, I raise my wand at one of our enemies and chant, "PoopaLoopaPoop!"
                          
The man suddenly stops in his track as his stomach grumbles and then he shits his pants. "Are...are you okay?", I ask cautiously. With tears in his eyes, he shakes his head slowly. "Oh...ermm...the bathroom's that way", I point and the man waddles away.
                          
"You muggle!", a woman screams at me and charges towards me like a bull. I scream like a prostitute doing her job and look down at my spellbook. I chant hastily, "BoobaLoopaBoob!" The woman's boobs begin to bloat and increase considerably in size as she screams hysterically. It becomes the size of a pumpkin, then watermelon, then it goes on increasing until it becomes so big that it explodes like a balloon and milk bursts out like fireworks in the sky!
                          
"I'm so sorry", I apologize but the woman is already unconscious. Suddenly, I hear Harry scream for help. Brad and I rush towards Harry and see Voldemort tickling him to death. "Help me!", Harry laughs as Voldemort tickles his underarms. Harry squirms and wiggles, but the tickling doesn't stop.
                          
"Stop!", a female voice echoes all around us. We look behind and are greeted with a blinding sight. In slow motion, with her grey hair blowing in the wind, an old woman walks towards us swaying her wrinkled hips, wearing nothing but a bikini. It's Professor Minerva McGonnall.
                          
"Eww!", I comment, "That bikini's hideous! You really don't have a sense of fashion, grandma." Ignoring me, she walks towards Voldemort and clings to him.
                          
"Cough-slut-cough", I cough.
                          
"C'mon guys! Stop fighting over me", Professor McGonnall gives a high-pitched laugh and waves her arm in the air. "But Professor", Harry speaks, "Voldemort wants to fuck you!"
                          
"What? Really?", she gasps and turns towards Voldemort, "The feeling's mutual! Let's go somewhere private, Voldy."
                          
Brad and I stare in shock. "You mean, we've been fighting for nothing?"
                          
"No, my dear", Professor smirks, "You all get to spend a night with me. . . Alone." And she winks at all of us.
                          
"Thanks but no thanks, grandma", I say.
                          
Shrugging, she says, "Your loss." Voldemort waves his wand and both of them disappear in thin air.
                          
"I can't believe Professor McGonnall betrayed me. . .She promised to have sex only with me!", Harry whines. "Don't worry", Brad says, "There are plenty of grandmas waiting for you with open thighs."
                          
"OK Harry. We kept our side of the deal, now it's your turn to help us. Find out who is behind the photographs", I say.
                          
"I already know who it is", he sighs.
                          
"Who?", Brad and I ask excitedly.
                          
"It's - "

                          
# # #

                          
IMPORTANT MESSAGE: So I read somewhere in YouTube that a girl was kicked at by two other teenage girls just because she didn't like Shawn Mendes' song "Something Big". C'mon guys, stop being such psychotic fans! We all love and admire some singers but not everyone's taste is same! Just because you like a particular celeb doesn't mean others have to do the same. Stop hating or hurting others just because they have different tastes. That is really immature and ridiculous. Stop being psycho-fans!
                          
That's all. Bye. Please do VOTE.
                          
❤