Chapter 68.

                                    

                                          
The rain is pouring outside of the window. I can hear every single drop fall from the grey sky. I slowly flutter my eyes open and find myself sleeping alone in Louis' bedroom. I turn to see the empty space next to me. When I sit up I feel my head spinning. Gosh, I fucked up so bad last night. I totally screwed things over with me and Anthony. This was pretty much my last chance and I blew it. God, I'm such an idiot. Can't I make any sort of relationship work? Suddenly I hear someone at the front door. Can it be...? Anthony? I jump out of bed and hurry out of the bedroom even though my head is pounding like crazy. When I get out to the living room I'm blinded by the morning light from the windows. The chilly wind causes my entire skin to shiver. That's when I realize I'm wearing nothing but my underwear. And that's when I realize that it wasn't Anthony at the door. It was Louis.
                          
He hasn't even noticed me yet. He just grabs the mail and walks right into the living room with his dirty shoes on. He knows I hate it when he does that. I don't know if I should remind him that I'm here or if I should just go back into the bedroom and fall back asleep. I decide to go back inside before he notices me and things get awkward. I still have the worst hangover and this is not helping. I decide to go back inside and as I do I of course stumble on the internet cable and face plant on the floor.
                          
"Harry?"
                          
Louis' concerned voice calls out. I lay on the floor groaning in pain as I see Louis' shadow cover me. He's standing there in his black jeans and Adidas jumper, followed by a adorable beanie on his head. He doesn't even bother to embarrass me further, I already embarrass myself enough without his help. So he just reaches his hand out for me and helps me get up and sit on his bed.
                          
"Where's Anthony?" He asks. Completely ignoring the fact that I have slept in his bed, and that I shrink of alcohol and that I just fell on the floor in nothing but my underwear. I don't even dare to look him in the eyes. I feel so pathetic right now.
                          
"He uhm... left." I mumble in a more hoarse voice than I thought I'd have. Louis looks at me in pity. It's not even in a 'oh my god you're such an idiot' kind of way. It looks like he seriously genuinely feels sorry for me. I clear my throat in an attempt to ease the tension, but if anything it just makes it more awkward. Louis sighs and rubs my back, trying to comfort me. I suddenly start feeling really sorry for myself and realize what a complete failure I truly am. Taking the chance that I have I lean my head against Louis' shoulder. He stiffens and doesn't really seem sure what to do. But after a while he gives in and leans his head against mine. Before I know it my tears are flowing down.
                          
"He doesn't deserve you anyway... You're way too good for him."
                          
He says and it just makes me want to cry even more. It's not even about Anthony anymore. It's about my love life in general. I can't keep a guy and it makes me feel useless. Especially when Louis is the one that I want, the one that I crave, and the one that I think about everyday, every minute. But he doesn't want me. Well, why would he? No one does.
                          
"I am so useless..." I sob, looking down at how perfectly our bodies fit together, sitting here as close to each other as possible. I keep looking at his hand placed on his thigh. I just want to hold his hand, intertwine our fingers, feel his affection once more. Is that too much to ask for? Louis then leans his head away and cups my face, making me look him right in the eyes.
                          
"No, don't say that. Look at me, Harry." He says and holds up my chin, even though I really don't want him to see me like this. But he has before so who am I kidding? I can just feel how puffy my face is and how I probably look like a complete mess. Such a hungover, emotional wreck. "You're beautiful. Inside and out. Don't let pigs like him tell you otherwise! You deserve the best in the world. Do you understand?"
                          
I shake my head. Well apparently that's not true. If I deserved the best in the world I would have him. Louis Tomlinson. But he's just such a liar when he tells me that anyone would be crazy not to want me, when he's the one who doesn't.
                          
"You deserve someone that will always be there for you. Someone that can see all your flaws and love every single one of them. You... You just deserve so much more..." He says. The frustration and truth visible in his expressions. I keep shaking my head. This is not what I want to hear. I don't want to hear how I should find someone better when the best of all of them is sitting right here next to me.
                          
"Louis?" I begin, not even sure where to start. Everything I say to him always end up fucking everything up anyway, so it's better if I just... Let it be. "Where were you today? And last night?" I ask.
                          
"I was at uhm... Zayn's place... I actually have to go to work soon..."
                          
"Oh..." Is all I manage to say. Louis then turns to me and looks at me fondly. It looks like he's about to cry. Like, why is he crying? What does he have to cry about? He can have anyone in the world. I'm the fucked up one here. He puts his hand on mine and I feel my entire world turn around. He gently squeezes it and smiles at me. 
                          
"I'll see you tonight."
                          
He says, patting my back and gets off the bed. But he literally just got here, does he already have to leave? Without even acknowledging the fact that I'm still in the room, he starts changing his clothes. I turn really uncomfortable, I mean I'd love to watch but I don't know if he wants me to. I try to put a settle cough, reminding Louis of my presence. He just raises his eyebrows and chuckles lightly. Giving me a devious smirk. I feel my cheeks flush as he looks at me. Should I leave or not? I'm so confused right now.
                          
Suddenly I'm distracted by Louis' phone screen lightening up. Since the sound is off Louis doesn't notice anything. I frown and try to discreetly see what it is. It's a text from Zayn. And I am completely astonished when I read what it says...