Chapter 11

                                    

                                          
That night, Tanner showered three times.  He would have done it a fourth time, but I decided he'd had enough when his arms started bleeding.  He just wanted to scrub off any little bit of Rick that might have been left on him.  I couldn't imagine what it was like to have to face your rapist the way he did.
                          
I didn't let myself go to sleep until I was sure that Tanner was out.  That happened by around one in the morning.  But by three, I was awake again.
                          
"You okay?" I yawned, opening my eyes to find Tanner sitting on my hips.
                          
He just nodded, continuing to watch me.
                          
"Babe, what's up?"
                          
"I want to." He said quietly.
                          
"Want to, what?" I asked.
                          
"Have sex." He said, "Right now."
                          
"Baby, last night was-"
                          
"Hard.  I know."
                          
"You haven't thought about this."
                          
"I've been thinking about this for weeks." He laughed, "Keaton, there is nobody in the world that cares about me like you do.  So, I want to do this."
                          
"Right now?"
                          
"You sound like you don't want to." He sighed, smiling.
                          
"No, I do.  It's just..." I began, "Are you sure?"
                          
"Can you promise me one thing?"
                          
"I can."
                          
"You're not gonna be with anyone else while we're together.  Okay?  You're not gonna do that to me."
                          
"Of course, Tanner."
                          
He nodded slowly, smiling at me.  Then he leaned down, shakily kissing my lips.  It started out slow.  As that kiss intensified, Tanner started rocking his body against mine, giggling at how flustered it got me.
                          
As it all happened, I made sure of two things.  Firstly, I was going to remember this.  I was going to remember the sounds of the night outside the window, and the sound of every breath he took.  I was going to remember every curve and line on his body; the ones I'd touched before, and the ones I hadn't.  I was going to remember him in this moment.
                          
Secondly, I was going to keep him safe.  I don't think I'd ever asked someone if they were okay during sex before.  But this time, I lost track of how many times I asked.  Truthfully, I don't think I could even call what we did "sex".  It was making love.  There was no other way I could describe it.
                          
"Don't bother getting me a birthday present." Tanner laughed once we finished, "You're not gonna top that."
                          
He was lying beside me with his chest to the ceiling.  Both of us were smiling, and extremely out of  breath.
                          
"You deserve a million presents." I sighed, letting my head fall so I could look at him.
                          
He did the same, reaching a hand out and resting it on my chest.
                          
"Don't.  You've given me enough."
                          
"Like what?" I laughed, "I've never done anything good for you."
                          
"Bullshit!" 
                          
He sat up, straddling my hips once again, and pinning my shoulders to the bed.
                          
"You fucked up Rick's car, helped me stop being scared," he said, "You love me, Keaton.  I can't ask for much else."
                          
"Meanwhile, you took me off the street, let me live in your house, got me through Heroin withdrawal, got me a job; should I continue?"
                          
He let out a deep breath and rolled his eyes, then kissed me again.