Twenty Five: Alone

                                    

                                          
Lana's P.O.V.
                          
-2 Months Later-
                          

                          
It has been two months since the Dublin shows, making it the middle of May. Niall took me on several dates while we were in Paris, on one of which we climbed to the top of the Eiffel tower and another where we visited the lock bridge. The lock bridge is a place where couples go with a padlock that has their names engraved in it. Niall had ours engraved as: " 'I pick you.' Lana James  Niall Horan. April 29th 2013."
                          
I stopped listening to the hate but it still hurt to see so many people saying negative things about me. I still feel alone. Especially today, the 5SOS boys have gone back to London for time off to record their new album and will be joining us again back in America and the boys are currently going over some new material with management, leaving me completely alone on the tour bus with nothing to do but think. The silence that surrounds me is massive.
                          
I don't know if anyone has ever felt like this way. Like they don't want to be on this planet anymore. It's a crazy thing when you want to harm yourself to get rid of the pain and just make it all stop. I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, one hand on either side of the sink wondering if Aaron will be waiting for me on the other side. I glance at the fresh scars on my wrists then to the blade that sits on the sink and start to reach for it but I hear a gentle knock at the door. 
                          
"Lana... Babe come out I know you're in there." Niall's Irish accent quietly whispers through the door.
                          
I sigh and wipe away the few tears that appeared in my eyes, wishing they would stay away forever, and pull down my sleeves to hide my cuts from Niall. I slowly turn the door handle and feel Niall push the door completely open and grab me into a tight hug. "Babe you've got to stop. You've got to let me in." He whispers into my ear.
                          
The thing is I haven't just stopped listening to the hate, I've just started taking it in. Telling myself that I am all the things they say I am. 
                          
"She's such a slut."
                          
"Whore."
                          
"Ugly"
                          
"Put some clothes on what are you a prostitute?"
                          
"queer"
                          
"bet she's bisexual"
                          
"fat"
                          
"bitch."
                          
"I heard she has a disease."
                          
"bet she's slept with all of them."
                          
"She's just an attention seeker!"
                          
"She's using them for fame!"
                          
"I hate her"
                          
"Bitch stay away he's mine"
                          
"I bet she's slept with 5SOS too."
                          
"Niall can do so much better."
                          
I stopped letting everyone in, I just stopped talking in general. I won't even text the 5 Seconds Of Summer boys back, and Ashton keeps leaving me voice mails just to make sure I'm okay. I hug Niall tighter as he hums Little Things to me. It helps a little but I still want to get rid of this pain. I haven't spoken in a little over two weeks. One of the French fans found our lock on the lock bridge and the whole fandom is now against me. I haven't eaten in a little over four days and it's starting to show. 
                          
I don't even hear Liam and the rest of the boys climb back onto the bus but before I know it I am surrounded  by all five of them.
                          
"The concert's in an hour, what are we going to do?" I hear Louis whisper.