"I've always been good with knives." He began slowly, "I don't remember i time when I didn't have a knife in my pocket. My parents, well my mom, my dad left us. My mom was always working and I don't think she really ever wanted me, so she was never home. I stole a lot of stuff. One time a got caught and that's when I met Rapmon. I stayed with him. I don't know why exactly. It just looked like he needed somebody, and I wanted somebody so I stayed. Then one day, these guys came and attacked me. I beat them easily. Too easily. I felt so unstoppable so powerful. When I looked around me and came to my senses and got back under control. I killed four people and injured two. I didn't even know their names. And I just killed them. I've never done anything like that since. I haven't even taken out my knives. I knew I shouldn't have-" he broke off sobbing. She grabbed his head and hugged him tightly. She rubbed his back soothingly and kissed his head again and again.
"Why are you still here? Why aren't you afraid? Why aren't you leaving me? I'm a murderer!" He wailed, weakly pushing himself away from her.
"Do you want me to leave? I'll leave if you want me to." She whispered softly. He wrapped his hands around her thin waist.
"No I don't. I don't want that. I want to know why you stay." He whispered and buried his face in her stomach.
"Why'd you kill them the first time?" She asked.
"To protect myself."
"Why'd you kill them today?"
"To protect my friends." He mumbled.
"See you're still a good person. It doesn't change that. You never killed out of cold blood."
"How can it not? It changes everything! No matter how many good things I do, it will never make up for the lives I've taken! I think about it everyday! That's why I can protect people, because I've learned to protect the people around me from myself." He sobbed into her.
"Would you ever hurt someone you love?" She asked.
"No." He mumbled.
"Then it doesn't change anything." She insisted stubbornly.
"I killed someone! I took away their chance at life! I'm just as bad as the guy that..." He didn't want to finish. She clutched his shoulders tightly.
"You are nothing like him. You're sweet and nice and you care about me. You put up with me even though I'm too ashamed to talk to you." She whispered, her voice shook.
"But you see that wasn't your fault. This is all my fault. I did this. I let myself...I destroyed someone's future." He sobbed.
"Can't you just be happy that I want to be with you? I don't care about that person's future! I care about you! Can't that be good enough?" She choked. He hesitated before sitting up and looking at her. She looked down at her lap shyly. She had always been shy. It was cute. He put a hand on her cheek and leaned forward. She held her breath. He slowly pressed his lips down onto hers. She was stiff for a moment, then she relaxed and fell into the kiss. Finally.
She sat in his lap and wrapped her legs around his waist. He held her thin middle loosely and pressed on the small of her back. Pushing her closer. She curled her fingers in his hair and pulled his neck closer. They broke away briefly,
"You made me think about it less." He whispered.
"What?" She murmured, kissing him. She was kissing him, he missed that.
"What I've done. You made me feel like it was gonna be okay." He whispered.
"Then I've done my job. I love you. I just wanna make you okay again." She mumbled, peppering his lips with kisses. He smiled weakly and smashed his lips into hers sloppily. They made out for a little bit, then she pulled away.
"Jin." She murmured.
"Yeah?"
"I haven't really talked about it." She whispered, she sounded frightened. He grabbed her hands and looked at her.
"I know."
"I was a virgin." Her voice trembled. He squeezed her hands,
"I thought so."
"Jin, I want it to go away." She whispered.
"Me too." He rested his forehead against hers.
"I can never have that moment. Ever. I could've gotten pregnant." She sobbed.
"You didn't." He reminded her.
"I just want to be normal." She wailed. He squeezed her and she sobbed into his neck.
"Me too."
Me too.
