Chapter 15

                                    

                                          
I woke up from my nap to a startling noise. I saw Shawn bending down to pick up something that fell on the floor. "Oh um.." He trailed off. "I didn't wanna wake you up, sorry." He apologized. 
                          
"Um it's okay.. I guess." I say getting up from my bed. "I should go." I opened the door until he pulled my wrist.
                          
"What do you want Shawn?" I ask trying my hardest not to make eye contact with his eyes, his beautiful big brown eyes with his lazy eye which he hates but I find it adorable. It suits him perfectly. Focus Jess. 
                          
"Look I'm sorry." He blankly said. He didn't sound convincing. He didn't act like he meant it, which he probably didn't.
                          
 "I don't accept your apology, know if you'll excuse me." I say trying to jerk from his grip but he just pulled me back. 
                          
"You're not excused Jess, I said I'm sorry." He tells me through his gripped teeth.
                          
"Well that's nice.. Let's see how that's going for you." I smile.
                          
"Listen, at least let me tell you that you can still stay here over night alright?" He loudly says. Nice way of telling someone. I just nod not facing him. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He grabs my chin making me face him. It ends up with us just staring into each other's eyes. 
                          
"What happened to you?" My voice cracking. He looked confused at first but then his expression changed like he knew what I was talking about. 
                          
"Nothing." He told letting go of my wrist and turning towards his bed.
                          
"What do you mean 'nothing'." I say making quotation marks with my fingers around the word nothing. 
                          
"Nothing Jess!" He raises his voice. 
                          
"Shawn you've been acting like a complete douchebag since that day after school. What the hell happened in the fucking bathroom that made you act this way?" I ask confused. I need to know, I need answers and I need them now. 
                          
"Nothing happened Jess! Damn don't you get it! Being with you, being your friend, it was all a joke!" He yells throwing his hands up. 
                          
"You told me that in school Shawn, and I know you don't mean it. Maybe you said that because you were under pressure with everyone staring at us but it's only us two right now Shawn. Now tell me that you're lying. I know you don't mean it, any of it!" My voice getting louder. 
                          
"Well believe it Jess. You're nothing, worthless and just a joke." He chuckles. 
                          
"You don't have to tell me what I already know." I tell him looking him straight in the eye. 
                          
"I thought you were different Shawn, I thought you were this sweet, loving, amazing guy who took me in when I most needed it, the one who stood by me through everything. The one who promised me will never let anyone hurt me but is the one causing me the most damage." I trailed off. "The one who was my best friend and those days when we'll just stay inside watching movies and baking muffins. I don't know what happened to that Shawn but I guess he's gone now. Thank you Shawn, thank you for showing me the real you after about two months of our friendship which apparently to you was a joke." I finish off. I didn't even realize it but I had tears roaring down my cheek. I just wiped them away.
                          
I noticed tears transforming in his eyes as well but I ignored it. I don't care anymore, any of it. I can't deal with anymore bullshit. "I-" He tries to say but I shake my head. 
                          
"I don't need your bullshit anymore Shawn. I'm grateful that you and your mom were sincere with letting me stay here until I can find my own place but forget it. I can't deal with seeing you anymore Shawn. I'll pick up my stuff another time and I'll stay somewhere,
anywhere that's far from you. I don't need you anymore Shawn. I'm not going to depend on you like a little lost puppy. I'm sorry that I was just a mistake in your life because I'm sure as hell you were in mine. Goodbye Shawn." The last thing I said before storming out of the room. When I reached down the stairs I noticed that Mrs. Mendes wasn't home. Thank god, the last thing I needed was for someone to hear the argument that just happened between Shawn and I.
                          
I hear something shatter from upstairs but I  just ignored it. Shawn doesn't need me, he proved to me he doesn't. With that I take a deep breath and close the door behind me.